Quiet Time with God

I have been awake since 5 a.m. I kept trying to fight it and go back to sleep, but finally gave in to "awakeness", and started thinking maybe God had something for me in this early morning time when the rest of my house sleeps. So, I am reading Scriptures, listening to Bethel Music, and waiting. So many times in my quiet time with Him, I begin to write. I think it's because that is when I am alone with my thoughts and with His words, and no other voice can be heard. I am in a strange season right now. God is moving, God is blessing, but there is a stillness at the same time. There is a barrier I can't seem to break through. There is a place God is wanting to take me. I feel it, I yearn for it....yet I can't get there.

I have been really struggling with the subject of friendship. I guess it's like this for all moms with little children who try to juggle a marriage, being a mom, working full time, being active in a church. It feels like friendship and "girl time" are the LAST thing on the list. But it is in that time so often that I get to think, examine my heart, share my heart with another lady who is going through a lot of the same battles as me. It gives me clarity and feeds my weary soul. So I guess my question is, how do I carve out that time? How do I make it a priority? And how do I find someone who desires the same thing that I do? I have a friend that I have this type of relationship with, but it seems too infrequent that we can find time to be together. And I look for meaningful friendships with people who are right in front of me, but who simply do not have that to offer me right now..which leaves me feeling as though I have done something wrong. 

On a different note, I am SO enjoying my time at home with my kids this summer. Yes, it's been a struggle at times. One or the other has been sick almost the whole time I've been off. But, I look at these remarkable little creatures that the Lord entrusted to me, and I am just WOWED at His greatness. Noah is such an amazing little guy. He is so smart and intuitive at such a young age. He is one year old and has an amazing vocabulary and a fierce love for his family. Then there is my precious firstborn child, my daughter, my Hannah. She is beautiful, intelligent, and loving. She will be going to school where I teach this school year, and she is so excited. I know she is going to make me so proud!

This is Father's Day weekend, and I am so overjoyed to be able to celebrate my husband Daniel. He is an amazing dad, husband, son, friend, minister. God is truly doing a work in our marriage, and after almost seven years of marriage, I find more to love about him now than when we first married.

Written Word

Contemplating as I read and fall in love with Lisa Jo Baker's blog....why is that I adore the written word so much? I think it's because writing skips over all of the small talk we feel so compelled to engage in when we talk to people. When writing, we can get right to the heart of the matter. We can say just what we feel, and don't have to worry what other people are going to think of it, because they are not right in front of us at the time.

Trust in the Lord

Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.”

Psalm 91:2 “I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

Nahum 1:7 “The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him. ”

Job 13:15 “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.”

Psalm 37:5 “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”
Psalm 56:3 , 4 “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.”
Psalm 71:5 “For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.”
Isaiah 26:3 “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” 

*** Dwelling on these Scriptures and trusting God to meet my needs.

Lullaby

Listening to this song over and over as the Spirit of God washes over me, and speaks to me the things that only He and I know. How people get through life without God and  the Holy Spirit, I don't know.


Have you lost your way?
Do you think you'll get it back again?
Did you find something in the rubble of your memory?

It's a mystery
That through a death I found my life again
And in suffering I found a key that I had thrown away

And now I've started it up
And I filled up my cup
And now I'm lost in your love
And it's more than a memory

And now I've started again
And what I thought was the end
Was another beginning from here to eternity

So here we are
Flesh and bone and spirit lifted up
And that's everything
You've ever needed and it's all you've got
All we've got

Hallelujah

Learning to Trust God is a Process

I am finally having the time I have needed to come face-to-face with some things today. I have known for awhile that I had sorta fallen asleep spiritually. Nothing felt the same, I wasn't talking to God nearly as much as I used to, and I had just shut down. Today, God brought the reason to light. He showed me that what I was doing was having a fear response to what was going on in my life. And instead of dealing with it, I had just retreated. Away from Him, away from worship, away from really talking about what I was feeling. I had started "going through the motions" of life, which is something I never want to do. I was in such a hurry to be sure I "had faith and didn't show the devil one sign of weakness", that I had totally cut myself off from help from the Lord. Christians are so often told not to "speak things into existence", that we don't talk about what is bothering us. We don't tell people how much we are hurting, so that they have an opportunity to pray for us specifically.We have such a phobia of "fear" that we deny that it exists in our lives. In our efforts to appear to be the "perfect Christian" to everyone else, we end up failing God completely. All He wants is us....our faults, our fears, our failures. He didn't call us to be perfect, He just called us to be His. To trust Him with everything that comes our way.

So, today, I am going to lay these fears before God, and allow Him to work in these situations. I am going to go to the One who can help me, the One who already knows everything I am feeling. Maybe I can hide from everyone else, but not from Him. I am going to pour out the pain, fear, and shame....and stop trying to deal with it myself. And then, I am going to leave those things there with Him. I am going to trust Him to take care of me, no matter how bad things might look at times. And I am going to know that even if He doesn't answer my prayers the way I think He should, He has my best interests at heart. He will never let me down, He will never leave me nor forsake me. I have a great reward waiting for me one day, and the best part of that day will be seeing Him. He will be worth it all.

Update

Obviously a lot has been going on, since I have not blogged since August! I am having a VERY busy year at school, we are constantly busy with the church between leading the youth and choir, AND Baby Number 2 is due in April! :) I have been very sick and tired, so blogging has been at the bottom of my priority list.

This past weekend was my birthday, and it was a wonderful weekend. On Friday, my students, school parents, and para blessed me with cupcakes, cookies, snacks, lotions, candles, a blanket, gift cards, etc. I ended up having to go home from school early, because I got very sick. My OB sent me home for the rest of the day after I went in to see him. I slept the rest of the day, and then went out to dinner with my family and Nena. :) My husband had beautiful flowers sent to me at work, too.

Saturday, I got my hair cut and a FREE eyebrow wax. I got to do some shopping, and my mom cleaned my WHOLE house! Then, my sweet hubby cooked dinner, and Mom did my dishes.....that allowed me to get some rest that evening. Church on Sunday was wonderful, then we had lunch with Pastor and Ms. Linda. I received some more gift cards from friends, and a couple of wonderful phone calls from family. It was a very blessed birthday, and I enjoyed it very much.
There is so much more I need to update on, but time won't allow me right now. Be back soon....I hope!

Lazy Blogger

Wow, I have been the laziest blogger! No, actually, I have been the busiest lady. School has begun, and I have a very challenging class. I am coming home completely exhausted, doing what has to be done here at home, and passing out cold early every night. Hannah has been very sick, but she is doing much better now. I am looking forward to dinner with my little fam tonight, then hopefully a VERY uneventful Saturday, and a great day at church on Sunday. I need to rest up for next week, when it all begins again.

God has really been moving in our worship services, and I am amazed at His presence and the way He pours out His spirit each time. But of course-new level, new devil. We have been hit over and over again lately, but are glad to know that we have the victory in Jesus' name! Hope everyone has a great weekend, and hopefully I will be able to post more regularly soon.

Keep My Life

Show me Your way
Whatever it takes to change
I see what's new
Looking at how far I've come
Here is my life
Don't let me forget the way
Here is my life
I can't afford to stay the same

Keep my soul
Keep my spirit
Keep my life
Moving forward