Out of Control

I know this is totally random, but as I read Angie Smith's blog, I had an epiphany. I just realized why I HAVE to measure when I cook. And why I HATE flying. I like to be in control! Everything has to be a certain way, so I measure exactly. I hate flying because I am not in control of this huge plane that is flying miles up into the sky, and then dropping me back down to Earth while I white-knuckle the arm rest. No wonder God has so much trouble with me. I want everything to be done by me, my way. He is merciful and wonderful in the way that He loves me and teaches me. Wednesday night the youth had an amazing service. Daniel didn't preach, but the Holy Spirit sure did. We were singing "Wrap Me in Your Arms", and I just felt like I needed to move out of my spot. That I needed to walk around the altar area and pray. I fought and fought and fought. Finally, I did it. Once I was obedient to God, He took control of the service. But, I didn't want to do it. It wasn't inside of the box, it wasn't expected, it wasn't what I was "supposed" to do. I am so glad I listened to Him, though.

God began to move in that place, and speak to me about all kinds of things. One of the things though, was that I had been worrying about my performance at my new job. I wanted everything to be perfect, and I was again, trying to do it all myself! God began speaking to me about trusting Him to give me favor on this job, trusting Him to show me how to do what needed to be done. I am also guilty of putting things into "compartments" or "boxes". God can help me at church and in my family, but He doesn't belong in my teaching career, He doesn't know anything about teaching. Excuse me? He knows EVERYTHING! He created everything!

He also challenged me to play out all of the "what-ifs" that Satan has tried to use to trap me and keep me afraid. He said, "what if you lose this job? What if this is only for a season? What do you think is going to happen, that I am going to leave you out there to fend for yourself? I didn't the last time, I won't now. I will be everything that you need. If you need a job, I will be your job. If you need a paycheck, I'll be your paycheck. If you need a friend, I will be your friend. If you need a father, I'm your father. If you need a husband, I will be your husband. I will be your child. I will be your provider. I will fill every void within your life, and I will never leave you. You can trust me!"

All this time I thought I did trust God, but evidently I was still holding out on Him. That's why this job situation has been so important. Once I realized God was really all I had, I realized He was all I needed. And it has taught me to really trust Him. I am so grateful, tears come to my eyes constantly. I can't stop thanking Him, I can't stop wanting to see more of what this beautiful God is all about. I have realized I've only begun to scratch the surface.

OHHHHH yes!

Ohhhhh yes! I forgot to mention, no more working until six o'clock every night! PRAISE THE LORD!

Everything Is About To Change

I have so much to blog about, and so many things to say. I have been SUPER busy lately, and haven't had time to blog. Anytime I would have a moment to myself, and I would think "I can't possibly say everything I need to say in such a short amount of time, I will wait 'til later". I guess later is now. I titled my blog "everything is about to change", because it is. Two weeks ago, I signed a contract to become the lead Pre-K teacher at Childcare Network. This is a state certified Pre-K, which means I will have my salary back! That is going to change SO MANY things for my family by itself. No more collection calls, no more pay this bill this month and maybe next month we can catch up on the other, or skipping certain bills completely. No more worrying about how to pay for Christmas....why do I EVER worry?....or how to pay for Hannah's birthday party. The chance to dream again. Dream of owning our own home, dream of having more babies. One dream that we are beginning to save for now is the dream of taking a family vacation. Next summer, we are going to take Hannah to Disney World. We have had little celebrations here at home, but that will be our big celebration of what God has done for our family! And it will be our chance to vacation by ourselves as our own little family unit. :) Tomorrow is my first day at my new job, and I am so excited!

Another change that I am overjoyed about is the change in our church. For the last few weeks, something has shifted spiritually. We are changing, our worship is changing, our church is changing. The banner team will be ministering two times this month, and we are amazed at how God has used that to bring freedom to our worship. People are becoming excited about coming to church again! They don't want to leave when it's over! Pastor has been preaching on spiritual warfare, and it has been awesome. I know that the revival His word promises is on its way. In fact, I believe that it's already here!

Laura will be ministering in our a.m. service this week, and I CANNOT WAIT! I have always looked up to  and been inspired by her, but to watch her life and see how strong she has been since Scott passed away is amazing. Her life is a testimony to what God can do with a life that is totally surrendered to Him. I am in awe of her and of Him.

I have MUCH more that I want to say, but I hear my sleeping beauty stirring in her bed. Naptime is over. More blogging later.