Learning to Trust God is a Process

I am finally having the time I have needed to come face-to-face with some things today. I have known for awhile that I had sorta fallen asleep spiritually. Nothing felt the same, I wasn't talking to God nearly as much as I used to, and I had just shut down. Today, God brought the reason to light. He showed me that what I was doing was having a fear response to what was going on in my life. And instead of dealing with it, I had just retreated. Away from Him, away from worship, away from really talking about what I was feeling. I had started "going through the motions" of life, which is something I never want to do. I was in such a hurry to be sure I "had faith and didn't show the devil one sign of weakness", that I had totally cut myself off from help from the Lord. Christians are so often told not to "speak things into existence", that we don't talk about what is bothering us. We don't tell people how much we are hurting, so that they have an opportunity to pray for us specifically.We have such a phobia of "fear" that we deny that it exists in our lives. In our efforts to appear to be the "perfect Christian" to everyone else, we end up failing God completely. All He wants is us....our faults, our fears, our failures. He didn't call us to be perfect, He just called us to be His. To trust Him with everything that comes our way.

So, today, I am going to lay these fears before God, and allow Him to work in these situations. I am going to go to the One who can help me, the One who already knows everything I am feeling. Maybe I can hide from everyone else, but not from Him. I am going to pour out the pain, fear, and shame....and stop trying to deal with it myself. And then, I am going to leave those things there with Him. I am going to trust Him to take care of me, no matter how bad things might look at times. And I am going to know that even if He doesn't answer my prayers the way I think He should, He has my best interests at heart. He will never let me down, He will never leave me nor forsake me. I have a great reward waiting for me one day, and the best part of that day will be seeing Him. He will be worth it all.