I had a great time at the beach today with Hannah. We didn't stay long, because I didn't want either of us to get fried by the sun. It took her a minute to decide if the sand was okay or not, and the water was really cold so we didn't go in. Once she decided the sand was acceptable, she had a blast. She dug with the shovel and dumped sand in and out of buckets. She ate some sand *yuck* and dumped the whole bucket of sand out on her head one time. We had a wonderful time! 
Saturday night I was talking to my friend Anita about all of the stuff that the believers are going through. And I began talking about the fact that Satan really believes that he is winning this battle, and he's got some of us convinced of the same thing! And I started talking to her about what the book of Revelation says about his future (and ours). I remembered a lot of the things it said, but I felt the need to go back and read it again, since it had been awhile. What I read amazed me once again! Then Sunday, our pastor was talking about all of the signs of His coming that we are seeing in the world. He told us to go through the chapter about the signs (Luke 21), and see if we couldn't check off every one!
And they asked him, saying, Master, but when shall these things be? and what sign [will there be] when these things shall come to pass?
And he said, Take heed that ye be not deceived: for many shall come in my name, saying, I am [Christ]; and the time draweth near: go ye not therefore after them.
But when ye shall hear of wars and commotions, be not terrified: for these things must first come to pass; but the end [is] not by and by.
Then said he unto them, Nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom:
And great earthquakes shall be in divers places, and famines, and pestilences; and fearful sights and great signs shall there be from heaven.
But before all these, they shall lay their hands on you, and persecute [you], delivering [you] up to the synagogues, and into prisons, being brought before kings and rulers for my name's sake. Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken.
And then shall they see the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory.
And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh.
I highlighted a bunch of them for you, and there are more I didn't copy and paste, because it's very long. Go, and read it for yourself. Some people may call me an "alarmist" or a "fanatic" for saying all of this, but either we believe in the Word of God, or we don't. We can't pick and choose which Scriptures are truth. I believe that every word in that book is true, and I intend to live by it. Last night, we went to hear Sister Jan Aldridge at Homerville COG. She was also talking about the signs of the times, and that we need to be prepared, not asleep. She spoke about the ten virgins in the Scriptures, when the bridegrooms came, five were ready. But five were not. My focus immediately went to the five who were not ready. They started out waiting on his return, their lamps full of oil, their spirits ready. But at some point, they forgot to wait, watch, anticipate his return. They became weary, and they fell asleep. When the bridegroom came, they ran around begging for oil, begging for someone to help them. But no one could. Sister Jan talked about the believers in the church who have fallen asleep, who will miss the coming of the Lord. How they will run to the church, begging for help...but no one will be there to help them. Yes, they can still become saved after the Rapture takes place, but it will be much harder. Namely because the Holy Spirit will be gone. AGH, that hurts my heart! It hurts because I know there are people who I love dearly who will not make it if they don't turn to God NOW! So, if you know you're not right with God, go to church tomorrow or kneel down RIGHT NOW and ask Jesus to come into your heart. If you're not sure if you're ready to go, FIND OUT! Talk to God, ask Him to search your heart and reveal to you what's inside it. Allow Him to change you while there is still time for Him to do it. I know that I am ready to go (because I ask God every day), and I know that He is coming, so now I need to know that the people I love are going to go with me. Look up, your redemption draweth nigh.
Oh little town of Bethlehem
Looks like another silent night
Above your deep and dreamless sleep
A giant star lights up the sky
And while you're lying in the dark
There shines an everlasting light
For the King has left His throne
And is sleeping in a manger tonight, tonight
Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
For God became a man
And stepped into your world today
Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
Mary shivers in the cold
Trying to keep the Savior warm
Born among the animals wrapped in dirty rags
Because there was no room for Him in the world He came to save
United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we're lying in the dark
There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night
America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping
Will we be sleeping
United States of America
Looks like another silent night
I know in my heart that time is running out and that the end of days is coming. I feel it, I see it, I hear it, I read about it in God's word. My heart is breaking, knowing that people who I love are not ready. My heart is breaking, knowing that people are spiritually asleep, and do not feel/sense/discern His return! I want to be ready, and I want to take as many people with me as I can.
This is an excerpt from my study bible...I didn't write it! :)
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth. Revelation 21:1
We sense it at rare moments. The first real day of spring, when the air is heavy with the scent of blooms and new life sprouts everywhere. Or even in winter, when an unexpected snowstorm clothes a gray, dingy city in pure white. Or when we watch a baby animal at play in the zoo. Or remember the first sudden twinge of romantic love.
This world may be full of pollution, war, crime, and hate. But inside us, all of us, linger remnants that remind us of what the world could be like-of what we could be like. The Old Testament prophets dreamed of "that day" when creation would be made new. And those sensations, following a dismal monotone of predicted catastrophes, burst out of the last few chapters of Revelation. That perfect world is not merely a dream; it will come true.
I was talking to one of my friends who has gone through trial after trial after trial lately. And I was telling her what the Word said about the times we are living in. And I told her that it seems like Satan is having his way with God's people right now, and maybe he is. But every dog has his day, and soon Satan is going to pay for what he has done to us. He is not going to prevail, no matter how much it may look that way sometimes. Then, I went to my favorite study bible to look a little closer at those Scriptures in Revelation, and I saw the posting above. Satan DOES NOT WIN, God's PEOPLE DO! I have more to say on this topic, but my husband is waiting on me to watch a movie with him. I hope everyone has a wonderful Sabbath tomorrow! Loves!
I was just looking over some of my blogs, and I realized that I had been posting really requirely until I got so busy with work this week. Not a bad problem to have, but it leaves little time for introspection. I love my quiet time with the Lord. I love when I hear Him telling me things, and they are so brilliant that I have to get online and share them with you....btw, is anyone out there actually reading this? Oh well, it helps me to write it either way.
Today I am thinking about the memorial service I went to last night. For Landen....he didn't make it 24 hours in this world. So sad. As I watched his young parents stand before us and tell us all that it's okay. (Seriously, you are telling me it's okay? I should be telling you that!) Their strength just amazed me. His mommy actually stood up in the choir and sang...at her son's funeral. I couldn't do that...I wouldn't do it. That is one time I would refuse to feel guilty for not serving the church. I don't know that I would have as good an attitude as she has, either. I imagine myself kicking, screaming, yelling, crying, and asking "WHY WHY WHY?". Maybe that's why she is her and I am me. God knows who can handle what. And He never puts more on us than we can bear. I think, actually I know-I would rather go through the job/financial hardship I am going through 100 times than go through what Gabrielle and JT are going through. That's why I told them last night that they are my new heroes.
Last night was wonderful in one respect though. I got to see all of my ALF buddies. I miss them SO much! Especially in the uncertain times that my family is going through. They wrap me up in a big group hug and don't let me go! They make me feel so loved and so important. And bonus....our precious Laura was there! *SQUEAL* I love her. :)
We are (hopefully) going to have an opportunity to help a friend and make some money this weekend. Still waiting to hear about that. We were given a $100 grocery store gift card yesterday....wow!! And had dinner out/grocery items bought for us this week as well. My mom is going to get some things for Hannah this weekend, and Billy is giving me money to shop a sack sale at my favorite kids' consignment store this weekend. God is still blessing us, I always like to give those praise reports as they come. And thanks be to Him, they have been coming ALOT for us. He's so good, it brings tears to my eyes. He brings joy to my heart. He makes me want to be more and do more, because He is so wonderful! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, I know I plan to! Weekends are family time, and I love that so much. I have been missing my Hannah Bug these last few days. I need to post pics soon, she is growing so fast! And walking so fast. Happy Friday!
So, when this week is over I will have logged three days of subbing and two days of tutoring. Not bad. :) Definetely 100% better than what I expected. Happy Wednesday!
Come and lay down, the burdens you have carried. For in this sanctuary, God is here. -Martha Munizzi
Nothing has changed, except my attitude about my circumstances. Sunday was one of the most awesome days I have ever experienced at MCCOG, or anywhere for that matter. I knew God was there, I knew He was listening, I knew He cares about my situation. And I know it was real, because it is still with me. After things didn't change (yet), after knowing that I have two funerals to go to for children this week :(, after a leader of our church walked away, after grief about Scott surfaced again and tried to overtake me. I will share with you my version of Sunday morning's sermon, and that will give you an inkling as to why I knew God was speaking to me on Sunday.
I don't have a job....but God is still here.
I can't pay my bills....but God is still here.
My heart is broken....but God is still here.
The world is a mess....but God is still here.
My friend is gone...but God is still here.
A church leader left...but God is still here.
Abby has been very sick...but God is still here.
My friends were in a car accident last week, and they don't know if their vehicle can be fixed....but God is still here.
Gabrielle's baby passed away...but God is still here.
I have lost family members....but God is still here.
---No matter what comes....God is still here. He will never leave us, nor forsake us. He will always be with us. And knowing that, I can make it. Knowing that, I believe my prayers will be answered. He was born on time, He died on time, He was resurrected on time, He will meet my needs on time, and He will return for His bride....ON TIME!
Come to me, all you who labor and are heavyladen-and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
I am physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially exhausted.
I also know that I am loved, blessed, cherished, prayed for, cared about, provided for, blessed, and highly favored. So, I will make it.
I have been on edge all day long. I kept asking myself why my fuse has been so short. And then the Holy Spirit said to me "You are in the desert, you are walking through the fire. You're going to have days like this, and it's okay. I am still with you." When we are weak, God is strong. When we can't seem to get it right, he gives us mercy. I am thankful to Him that the people in my life extend that same mercy to me. :) Daniel and I were talking about our options in our current situation again today, and I just feel like I am backed into a corner, and I CANNOT find my way out. Lord, I need some relief. I need something to happen that is not just a ray of hope, but an actual solution to the problem. I need You to move like I have never seen You move before, and we will give You glory for doing what man cannot do.
You can't bring me down, devil. God's been too good, and He won't quit now. I WIN!!!
I am having a wonderful day, getting a lot accomplished since I am not working today. Got one bill cut in half, and an extension on another bill until May. I have a tutoring session this afternoon, which means more money for us! Looking forward to cooking dinner for Nena, Chris, and Daniel-then heading to the movies with all of them. I am so thankful for GREAT friends and a wonderful husband that God has given me. You guys make my life wonderful, and keep me sane! :)
Tomorrow, my mom is taking Hannah and I grocery shopping. Mom is also gonna buy the Special Ed GACE book for me. I have decided to go for it. It is something I want to do anyway, and I have time right now. Plus, it will be one more thing to add to my resume when I head back into that BOE office to get my career back! :) That's about it for now. Looking forward to a wonderful weekend with my friends and family. Happy Friday, everyone!
I am working today. Not at one of my favorite schools, but I couldn't have cared less when I got the call. I am working. That's the point. I am also going to begin my tutoring job this afternoon. It's not going to amount to very much money, but it will buy diapers and help with gas money. I will take it. Yesterday, I was emotionally spent. Today, I feel kind of...numb?....sedate?....at peace? I am really not sure. I had some good face time with the Lord at church last night, and I bawled my little eyes out. I have been feeling like I can barely breathe. When I am with God though, I feel like I can breathe. He is the air I breathe....what a blessing. He is also blessing us financially....we have been GIVEN fifty dollars this week, had dinner bought for us last night, had groceries bought for us yesterday. Daniel is going to be working for a friend this weekend and will be bringing home a nice amount of money for that. Thank You, Lord. Also, my super fabulous best friend Nena came to church last night. I wanted to ask her to come, because I was such an emotional wreck yesterday...but I knew it wasn't fair to ask her that. She came to church, and she told me that she felt like she had to come. She prayed for me, and I felt the wind of the Holy Spirit blow into my heart again. Twice in one night.....I'll take it. :) THANK YOU, LORD for friends who will pray for us. She is also treating us to a movie this weekend....isn't she fabulous?
I don't understand any of what is happening, but I can't wait for the day when I will understand. When God finally reveals His purpose and plan for all of the pain I have been through in the past year. But right now, He is pouring out His blessings and I am not letting one go by without praising Him for it. Looking at the cold hard facts, we shouldn't still have our home and our car....but we do. We shouldn't have food to eat or the things that Hannah needs...but we do. And that is 100% because of God. No one else gets the glory for that. No one else. Nena and I both came to the same conclusion at different times yesterday. One of my greatest desires is to be a stay-at-home mom with Hannah. And Nena knew that because she has read it on my blog. We both realized yesterday that God is giving me that privelege right now. It might not last very long, because I really do need to work. It may not be the way I wanted it to happen, but it has happened. I was home with her this whole week until today. Sometimes God answers our prayers, and we don't even realize it because He didn't do it our way. But He still did it. :) I am so thankful that He is God and I am not. He is so much better at it than I would be.
I didn't get the job. This is really all I have to say for now....
I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways
Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
As I was praying for friends and family....and myself....God gave me some perspective on our "situations". I was thinking about how we need to praise Him in the storm. And then He said to me....that is what this is. These things that all of you are going through are just that-storms. And they will pass, just like storms in the natural. The winds will howl, the rain will fall, the lightning will strike, and the thunder will crash. It will seem very loud, scary, and much bigger than you are. But, it will pass. We just have to hold on to Him for all we are worth, and trust Him to get us through it.
We get so caught up in what is happening to us, that we forget that it won't last forever. Yes, we are going to hurt over our current situations. But don't let them overtake you. Don't let Satan and his tools of fear, desperation, and depression sweep you away from God. Let God's love, peace, and mercy be present with you in this storm. And praise Him, no matter what comes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw Here is the link for the song/video Praise You In This Storm
Things I don't like....
Gabrielle's baby passing away.
Abby having multiple seizures.
Scott passing away and the pain that brings to Laura.
My job situation.
The questioning and wondering that has gone on in the faith of many friends who have been attacked.
My own questioning and wondering.
Foreclosure and bankruptcy that has become a part of the lives of several people I care about.
Pain, pain, pain.
The enemy coming in and trying to wreck my home and take peace away from us.
Lisa and Jennie being in the hospital.
Subs....myself and my friends.....losing their jobs.
Seeing what the enemy is doing to the young people of our church.
Things I do like....
Knowing that God is still in control.
Praying and believing that God can and will answer every prayer.
Having wonderful friends who bless my life and are such a comfort to me.
Lisa and Jennie are now out of the hospital. :)
God's word.
Songs that glorify God.
The job opportunities that have come up this week.
The things that I am learning from all of these trials in my life.
Seeing my friends and family blessed by God.
Love, love, love.
The blessings that God has bestowed on us, seeing how He has brought us through this past year. He does things that man cannot do!
I am just at a loss for words. I got word this afternoon that a friend of mine whose baby was born yesterday, is now grieving the loss of that baby. Landen was having difficulty from the beginning, but we all truly believed that he was going to make it. His lungs were not able to receive the oxygen they needed, and he passed early this morning. The mom is my friend Gabrielle. She is a precious, sweet lady. She is the sister of a guy I dated years ago who is now a friend of mine. Gabrielle loved and looked up to me. She called me her sister, and always told me she wanted me to marry her brother. All of that seems silly now that I am a married mother and all of that, but the point is-she means a lot to me. And the thought of her laying in that hospital bed having to mourn her child just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to hear of anyone going through that, but when it's someone you know it really hits home.
This has been a rough period of time for a lot of people I care a lot about. It's been a rough period of time for me. And in all of this, I am looking for God and finding Him. He is still there. He is still moving, He is still healing, He is still strong and sovereign and loving. Even when prayers go unanswered and we truly don't understand why. Please pray for Gabrielle, JT, and their families. This loss is a really devastating one. I am asking God to comfort, uplift, and speak to each person who is touched by this tragedy. I know that He will.
One of the things that stuck with me from Scott's funeral is that always he said "It's not about me." He totally understood that, and it showed. In his ministry, in his family, in his whole life. He understood the importance of sacrificing all that we are for our calling. He did what the Scripture said and "denied himself".
God is teaching me that so much lately. I hear the whisper of it in many situations I face, in my relationships with people, and on my job. It's not about me. This life is not about me, my faith is not about me...it's all about Him. I should be focused on His purpose, His plan, His will for me.
Yesterday I started feeling this odd aching sensation in my stomach again. I have been feeling that alot since Scott passed away. And I thought it was grief....I believe some of it is. But it's more than that. It's more than the pain of losing a friend and questioning everything about my faith because of that. It's more than losing my job last year. It's more than not being able to pay my bills. It's more than watching the devil ravage the lives of our young people and feeling powerless to stop him. It's a hunger. But it's not a hunger for food, at least not physical food. I realized that I was aching inside for God. I need Him to come and not just work in my situations, but work in my heart and in my walk with Him. I want to commune with Him, I want to be everything that He wants me to be. I want to think like He does, speak like He does, love like He does. I want to see my life and the lives of others, the way He sees it. I want to walk in deep, intimate friendship with Him-more than I ever have before. I am seeing Him take the pain and stress of what has happened over the last year and make it into something good. He is using what the devil meant for destruction...He is using it for my good.
Last night at revival, I began to pray. I prayed that if God wanted me to prayed for by Brother John, that I would be. But I told Him that more anything, I wanted to be touched by Him. I didn't want to have someone pray for me and lie on the floor in His presence, then stand up and go back to life as usual. I want to be touched by Him in a way that I am NEVER the same. I guess what I was asking Him for is an encounter with His glory. For His presence to be so strong that I can barely breathe, let alone speak. I am waiting for that.
Brother John didn't come and pray for me, but I did feel the presence of God and I heard God speak to me. They asked for 7 women who were full of the Holy Spirit to come and pray for this girl who has been sick. And then Brother John said something that really caught my attention. He said "Don't you go and pray for her unless you really believe she can be healed." And I hesitated. I have really struggled with the issue of healing since Scott died. I prayed for him to be healed, I believed in it, I spoke about it in front of our church....and it didn't happen. Then I felt hurt, betrayed, and confused. I have been on a journey with the Holy Spirit ever since about this issue...and last night I had my breakthrough. I knew that God intended for me to pray for that girl, so I went. I was terrified and thought "God I don't know what to say, obviously I don't know how to pray for people to be healed." And as I went down there and began to pray for her, God began to minister to me at the same time. I have always felt like I wasn't worthy to lay hands on someone and prayed for them to be healed. But the Word gives us the authority as believers to do that, and God said to me last night "It's not about you." This person's healing or anyone else's for that matter, are not about how well you pray or your ability to do anything for them. It's all about what God can do, and about you being the willing vessel to reach out and pray for them. HE DOES THE WORK, we just believe. He healed something in me last night, and showed me some truths through that situation. As far as why He doesn't answer sometimes when we pray for someone's healing, I am still asking for help in understanding that.
But when the time comes, He will show me the answer for that question as well. Last night I stepped out in faith, just like God taught me through Scott's ministry and testimony. I believed in God's ability and prayed for that girl, and left the rest up to Him. That's all He asks us to do, because it's really not about us.
Thinking of my friend Laura and what she is going through. I thought of her the other day as I heard this song. And it ministered to me in my situation as well. Thank You for being there for us, Lord.
I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent through the fire
I've been in the valley when it was dry
Walked through the desert to the other side
I'm not a preacher and I'm not a hero
My life has never been that kind
But there is one thing that I hold onto
I am yours, and Lord you are mine
CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need a friend
And I find you waiting there for me
I've seen a widow cry through her sorrow
And still raise her hands in the midst of it all
And Lord I'm reminded when I was weary
You carried me, yes you carried me
CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend
And I find you waiting there.....
BRIDGE
In the midst of a struggle
There is one thing I know
You'll never leave me, no never alone
I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent straight through the fire
CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend
And I find you waiting
And I find you waiting there for me
Waiting, I find you waiting there
Dinner bought for us last night by a friend.
Large check for Hannah Bug to go shopping given by a family friend.
Dinner being bought for us tonight by family.
We are so blessed! :)
Today I am just sitting and reflecting on the way we relate to God. We "mess up" as we call it, and suddenly feel that all is lost. We are ashamed, as though our relationship with Him is now ruined and will not be able to be redeemed. But we forget that the journey is the whole point! Salvation is not an ending, but a beautiful beginning. We are going to fall....over and over again. But it's what we do in that moment that makes us who we are. It's what we do in that moment that shows the world-and God and ourselves-what we are truly made of. We don't need to feel ashamed.
These stumbles and falls are all a part of the walk of faith we are on. Jesus paid the price on the cross for us so that we could be redeemed. Not so we could go and sin anytime we wanted and never repent. But so that we could grow, change, and learn to be more like Him. I don't know about anyone else, but each time I have fallen-I have learned something from it. We are not meant to be perfect, we are simply meant to commune with God, learn from Him, and do His will on the Earth. When we don't get it quite right, we need to ask God what He wanted us to see about ourselves through that situation and how we can grow from it.
And we have heard the phrase "Jesus paid it all" so many times that I think we forget what that actually means. He paid for ALL of it. Not just the "big sins" as we call them, but the little ones that matter just as much. When we are impatient, rude, gossipy, self-serving. When we talk too much, pray too little, and can't seem to figure out why things aren't turning out right. He paid for that. His blood was shed so that we could be MORE than what we were when He found us. So, each time that you "fail" Him, ask Him to change your heart, so that next time you can handle the situation the way that He would. Always heed the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but never allow the devil to have a field day with you when you mess up.
And be grateful that you are walking with the Lord, and that He is causing the Holy Spirit to convict you. Some people have ignored that voice so many times that they no longer hear it, or it is very faint.
Lately God has been showing me so many things that I thought were right, that were very wrong. I saw faith and salvation as so "black and white", cut and dried. I thought I understood the way the Lord thinks, but how could I? His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts higher than my thoughts. He doesn't spend so much time worrying about how I mess up or how often. He is more concerned with how I handle my mistakes and what I do afterward. Do I allow Him to show me a better way or do I continue trying to do it all myself? And I used to think that when I made a mistake I was so far away from God, but now I see that He often draws me closer during those times. So that He can reprove, rebuke, exhort....so that He can teach me a better way. Those are the moments when we are convicted and humbled, more ready to listen and much easier to teach.
Nothing much to report except wonderful, busy life. I have been working, working, working-which is good. We didn't have choir practice Tuesday night, but I found plenty to do to keep me busy. Yesterday I had a lot of errands to run after work, and by the time I got Hannah home she was running a fever. So, we both missed church last night. I really think she is cutting her 1 year molars. She has been cranky and tired for a couple of days, and just seems agitated like she is in pain. She is also gnawing on everything and drooling a lot. Poor baby. I checked her temp before leaving for work today though, and it was normal. Tonight we are supposed to be having dinner with the Villelas, if Hannah is feeling up to it. And this weekend we really don't have anything planned.....yay! :) I love weekends like that, because we hardly ever have them. Happy Friday Eve, all!
