Am I Alive, Am I On Purpose?

My head is spinning right now with SO MUCH. First things first though, I can't scroll up and down on my blog to read older posts, which means neither can anyone else. If you can help me with that, please let me know! There was what looked to be an open door for me last week in the job situation, but then it seemed to close. Somehow though, I didn't fall apart when that happened. Maybe I am growing, learning, gaining more faith from all of this? Maybe.

Now I am just putting my name and face out there wherever I can. Making my certification known to administrators and just waiting for my time to come. Someone, somewhere is going to see my potential. I will find favor somewhere, and God will grant this desire of my heart. I know that for sure, but with that comes my least favorite part-the waiting.

While I have the time, while I wait-I am looking deeper into my spiritual life. Why I do the things I do, how I could do things better, places where I have focused on myself and not on others. Times when God wanted to come in and do things, but I thought I had it under control....ever been there? So now I am trying to open up my world to Him and let Him come in and make my life what He wanted it to be in the first place. Like we are supposed to do anyway. Where did I miss that Scripture?

At the same time though, my faith is being stretched MORE THAN EVER! There was a time very recently when I felt very alone, very betrayed, and hurt with God. I felt like He had let me down and left me out in the cold. I wondered what good faith and prayer were when it seemed He didn't answer anyway. But the beautiful part about this was, Satan meant to destroy me with that thinking pattern. He meant for me lose all hope and turn away from God. But God took that doubt, fear, and pain..and He turned it around. He strengthened my faith even more, and showed me that what I was going through is what faith is really all about. To believe in Him when I can't see Him, can't hear Him, sometimes can't even feel Him. That's where we end and He begins, because faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things NOT seen. I may not be teaching right now, but I will be again. Scott may be gone from my sight for now, but I will see him again. Finances may look hopeless and bleak right now, but the Lord continues to provide.

So, I am trusting in Him to meet every single need in my life. I am not trying to do this in my power anymore, I am allowing Him to work things out for my good. And though people may not understand, I am going to continue to lean on God and listen to Him, and allow Him to order my steps.