The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

These last couple of days have been wonderful, after a few really bad days. I had really been struggling since Friday when I received some bad news. It seemed as though the pain of my past was starting all over again. My dreams, my calling, my future....everything was in question. Saturday, I went to prayer meeting at church, and laid on my face crying out for God to help me. I KNEW that the devil should not be taking over my thoughts, my heart, and my emotions...but he was doing it. It was also bringing up pain that I had not dealt with when I lost my dear friends Steve and Margaret this year. I mourned for the first few days after I got that call, but then shoved it down. This recent heartbreak just brought all of that unresolved grief back to the surface. So, I sat on the floor at the church and cried like it was the first day they left us. I didn't even have the words to say to the Lord. There was a song playing though, and it said "I long to bring a smile to Your face". I said to God, "You know that's all I want to do." He whispered back, "Who says you're not?". Somehow, this news had brought with it a sense that I had failed...myself, my family, God. He was just letting me know that was not the case. After that, we had a wonderful banner practice, and decided we were ready to minister the next day.

When I returned home, I had a rough day. I couldn't get motivated to do anything, and tried to take a nap. Nap didn't happen, so I laid on the couch and watched a movie, and finally snapped out of it when Daniel insisted I go to the store with him. Then, we had dinner with his parents, and went for a drive afterward. Sunday though, was my true turning point. The Spirit of the Lord was with us from banner practice to choir practice, and through the entire service. Had I not been leading one particular song, I would have been on my knees on that stage. God was doing a work, and not just in me. The message was a difficult one about how sometimes things that happen to us are punishments that are set in motion by our disobedience, but that sometimes, bad things happen to make us (and our character) stronger. To show us (and the devil) where we really are in our relationships with God. I went down to the altar, and began praying about what I was going through. Pastor came and prayed for me, and prayed the EXACT thing I had just asked the Lord for. He asked that the joy of the Lord would overtake me. God has been doing just that ever since.

God gave me countless opportunities to talk with people I love and trust, to be encouraged by them. We had lunch with my mom and stepdad. We had dinner with our church family at a fundraiser that night. We had a wonderful 4th of July yesterday as a family. I began reflecting on everything I do have, instead of the things I won't have just yet because of what happened. I read a wonderful book today, "Heaven is for Real". It's about a little boy who nearly died when he was four years old, had an out of body experience, and went to Heaven. His accounts of Heaven will blow you away....awesome. That reminded me of my ultimate future, and of all I have to look forward to. Hannah had some potty training success, and we had some wonderful mother/daughter time today. She is just the most precious little person the Lord ever created. As her mother, I am slightly biased, I'm sure. I was walking through my house tonight, and just hearing the Lord speak to me about my blessings, and about being content where I am in life right now, and knowing that He has a plan for me. I thank God for taking back control of my mind and my heart, and silencing the voice of the enemy. God is in control of my life, and His voice of truth is the only one I will listen to and believe in.