Faith

I watched Amish Grace again tonight and was struck once again by this quote...I wanted to write it down somewhere so I won't forget it.

"Faith when everything is as you want it to be is not true faith. It is only when our lives are falling apart that we have the chance to make our faith real."

I talked about the faithfulness of God and how He was my provider...but only when I lost my job and didn't know where money was going to come from was my faith tested and His faithfulness proved.

I talked about God being a healer. It was only when Scott passed away and the deep, gaping hole was opened that I began to understand that "healed" has different meanings in different situations, and that God doesn't cease to be God just because I don't understand (or don't like) His answer to my prayers.

I have felt guilty in the past year for doubting God....for my faith being tested.....tried....even faltering in my faith sometimes. I questioned my beliefs...I questioned God....I was angry with Him...I felt that He let us down. But this quote from the movie, along with the Holy Spirit, the Scriptures, and God's grace....reminded me that it's okay to "wander" in the spiritual desert for a little while. Because on the other side of the desert is more of God's love, more faith, more understanding of what He is all about. I know that my faith has grown through these trials, so though they hurt (even now), I thank God for them. They have shown me that I do have a measure of faith and that God is helping it to grow each and every day.