We Win Because of You

You can't bring me down, devil. God's been too good, and He won't quit now. I WIN!!!

I am having a wonderful day, getting a lot accomplished since I am not working today. Got one bill cut in half, and an extension on another bill until May. I have a tutoring session this afternoon, which means more money for us! Looking forward to cooking dinner for Nena, Chris, and Daniel-then heading to the movies with all of them. I am so thankful for GREAT friends and a wonderful husband that God has given me. You guys make my life wonderful, and keep me sane! :)

Tomorrow, my mom is taking Hannah and I grocery shopping. Mom is also gonna buy the Special Ed GACE book for me. I have decided to go for it. It is something I want to do anyway, and I have time right now. Plus, it will be one more thing to add to my resume when I head back into that BOE office to get my career back! :) That's about it for now. Looking forward to a wonderful weekend with my friends and family. Happy Friday, everyone!

Give God The Glory

I am working today. Not at one of my favorite schools, but I couldn't have cared less when I got the call. I am working. That's the point. I am also going to begin my tutoring job this afternoon. It's not going to amount to very much money, but it will buy diapers and help with gas money. I will take it. Yesterday, I was emotionally spent. Today, I feel kind of...numb?....sedate?....at peace? I am really not sure. I had some good face time with the Lord at church last night, and I bawled my little eyes out. I have been feeling like I can barely breathe. When I am with God though, I feel like I can breathe. He is the air I breathe....what a blessing. He is also blessing us financially....we have been GIVEN fifty dollars this week, had dinner bought for us last night, had groceries bought for us yesterday. Daniel is going to be working for a friend this weekend and will be bringing home a nice amount of money for that. Thank You, Lord. Also, my super fabulous best friend Nena came to church last night. I wanted to ask her to come, because I was such an emotional wreck yesterday...but I knew it wasn't fair to ask her that. She came to church, and she told me that she felt like she had to come. She prayed for me, and I felt the wind of the Holy Spirit blow into my heart again. Twice in one night.....I'll take it. :) THANK YOU, LORD for friends who will pray for us. She is also treating us to a movie this weekend....isn't she fabulous?

I don't understand any of what is happening, but I can't wait for the day when I will understand. When God finally reveals His purpose and plan for all of the pain I have been through in the past year. But right now, He is pouring out His blessings and I am not letting one go by without praising Him for it. Looking at the cold hard facts, we shouldn't still have our home and our car....but we do. We shouldn't have food to eat or the things that Hannah needs...but we do. And that is 100% because of God. No one else gets the glory for that. No one else. Nena and I both came to the same conclusion at different times yesterday. One of my greatest desires is to be a stay-at-home mom with Hannah. And Nena knew that because she has read it on my blog. We both realized yesterday that God is giving me that privelege right now. It might not last very long, because I really do need to work. It may not be the way I wanted it to happen, but it has happened. I was home with her this whole week until today. Sometimes God answers our prayers, and we don't even realize it because He didn't do it our way. But He still did it. :) I am so thankful that He is God and I am not. He is so much better at it than I would be.

I Give You All of My Praise

I didn't get the job. This is really all I have to say for now....

I don't understand Your ways


Oh but I will give You my song

Give You all of my praise

You hold on to all my pain

With it You are pulling me closer

And pulling me into Your ways



Now around every corner

And up every mountain

I'm not looking for crowns

Or the water from fountains

I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing

That the sight of Your face

Is all that I need

I will say to You



It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it all

I believe this

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it all

I believe this



You're gonna be worth it

You're gonna be worth it

You're gonna be worth it all

I believe this

You're gonna be worth it

You're gonna be worth it

You're gonna be worth it all

I believe this

Praise You In This Storm

As I was praying for friends and family....and myself....God gave me some perspective on our "situations". I was thinking about how we need to praise Him in the storm. And then He said to me....that is what this is. These things that all of you are going through are just that-storms. And they will pass, just like storms in the natural. The winds will howl, the rain will fall, the lightning will strike, and the thunder will crash. It will seem very loud, scary, and much bigger than you are. But, it will pass. We just have to hold on to Him for all we are worth, and trust Him to get us through it.

We get so caught up in what is happening to us, that we forget that it won't last forever. Yes, we are going to hurt over our current situations. But don't let them overtake you. Don't let Satan and his tools of fear, desperation, and depression sweep you away from God. Let God's love, peace, and mercy be present with you in this storm. And praise Him, no matter what comes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw Here is the link for the song/video Praise You In This Storm

Venting and Thanks

Things I don't like....

Gabrielle's baby passing away.
Abby having multiple seizures.
Scott passing away and the pain that brings to Laura.
My job situation.
The questioning and wondering that has gone on in the faith of many friends who have been attacked.
My own questioning and wondering.
Foreclosure and bankruptcy that has become a part of the lives of several people I care about.
Pain, pain, pain.
The enemy coming in and trying to wreck my home and take peace away from us.
Lisa and Jennie being in the hospital.
Subs....myself and my friends.....losing their jobs.
Seeing what the enemy is doing to the young people of our church.

Things I do like....

Knowing that God is still in control.
Praying and believing that God can and will answer every prayer.
Having wonderful friends who bless my life and are such a comfort to me.
Lisa and Jennie are now out of the hospital. :)
God's word.
Songs that glorify God.
The job opportunities that have come up this week.
The things that I am learning from all of these trials in my life.
Seeing my friends and family blessed by God.
Love, love, love.
The blessings that God has bestowed on us, seeing how He has brought us through this past year. He does things that man cannot do!

At A Loss

I am just at a loss for words. I got word this afternoon that a friend of mine whose baby was born yesterday, is now grieving the loss of that baby. Landen was having difficulty from the beginning, but we all truly believed that he was going to make it. His lungs were not able to receive the oxygen they needed, and he passed early this morning. The mom is my friend Gabrielle. She is a precious, sweet lady. She is the sister of a guy I dated years ago who is now a friend of mine. Gabrielle loved and looked up to me. She called me her sister, and always told me she wanted me to marry her brother. All of that seems silly now that I am a married mother and all of that, but the point is-she means a lot to me. And the thought of her laying in that hospital bed having to mourn her child just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to hear of anyone going through that, but when it's someone you know it really hits home.

This has been a rough period of time for a lot of people I care a lot about. It's been a rough period of time for me. And in all of this, I am looking for God and finding Him. He is still there. He is still moving, He is still healing, He is still strong and sovereign and loving. Even when prayers go unanswered and we truly don't understand why. Please pray for Gabrielle, JT, and their families. This loss is a really devastating one. I am asking God to comfort, uplift, and speak to each person who is touched by this tragedy. I know that He will.

It's Not About Me

One of the things that stuck with me from Scott's funeral is that always he said "It's not about me." He totally understood that, and it showed. In his ministry, in his family, in his whole life. He understood the importance of sacrificing all that we are for our calling. He did what the Scripture said and "denied himself".

God is teaching me that so much lately. I hear the whisper of it in many situations I face, in my relationships with people, and on my job. It's not about me. This life is not about me, my faith is not about me...it's all about Him. I should be focused on His purpose, His plan, His will for me.

Yesterday I started feeling this odd aching sensation in my stomach again. I have been feeling that alot since Scott passed away. And I thought it was grief....I believe some of it is. But it's more than that. It's more than the pain of losing a friend and questioning everything about my faith because of that. It's more than losing my job last year. It's more than not being able to pay my bills. It's more than watching the devil ravage the lives of our young people and feeling powerless to stop him. It's a hunger. But it's not a hunger for food, at least not physical food. I realized that I was aching inside for God. I need Him to come and not just work in my situations, but work in my heart and in my walk with Him. I want to commune with Him, I want to be everything that He wants me to be. I want to think like He does, speak like He does, love like He does. I want to see my life and the lives of others, the way He sees it. I want to walk in deep, intimate friendship with Him-more than I ever have before. I am seeing Him take the pain and stress of what has happened over the last year and make it into something good. He is using what the devil meant for destruction...He is using it for my good.

Last night at revival, I began to pray. I prayed that if God wanted me to prayed for by Brother John, that I would be. But I told Him that more anything, I wanted to be touched by Him. I didn't want to have someone pray for me and lie on the floor in His presence, then stand up and go back to life as usual. I want to be touched by Him in a way that I am NEVER the same. I guess what I was asking Him for is an encounter with His glory. For His presence to be so strong that I can barely breathe, let alone speak. I am waiting for that.

Brother John didn't come and pray for me, but I did feel the presence of God and I heard God speak to me. They asked for 7 women who were full of the Holy Spirit to come and pray for this girl who has been sick. And then Brother John said something that really caught my attention. He said "Don't you go and pray for her unless you really believe she can be healed." And I hesitated. I have really struggled with the issue of healing since Scott died. I prayed for him to be healed, I believed in it, I spoke about it in front of our church....and it didn't happen. Then I felt hurt, betrayed, and confused. I have been on a journey with the Holy Spirit ever since about this issue...and last night I had my breakthrough. I knew that God intended for me to pray for that girl, so I went. I was terrified and thought "God I don't know what to say, obviously I don't know how to pray for people to be healed." And as I went down there and began to pray for her, God began to minister to me at the same time. I have always felt like I wasn't worthy to lay hands on someone and prayed for them to be healed. But the Word gives us the authority as believers to do that, and God said to me last night "It's not about you." This person's healing or anyone else's for that matter, are not about how well you pray or your ability to do anything for them. It's all about what God can do, and about you being the willing vessel to reach out and pray for them. HE DOES THE WORK, we just believe. He healed something in me last night, and showed me some truths through that situation. As far as why He doesn't answer sometimes when we pray for someone's healing, I am still asking for help in understanding that.

But when the time comes, He will show me the answer for that question as well. Last night I stepped out in faith, just like God taught me through Scott's ministry and testimony. I believed in God's ability and prayed for that girl, and left the rest up to Him. That's all He asks us to do, because it's really not about us.

You Have Been There

Thinking of my friend Laura and what she is going through. I thought of her the other day as I heard this song. And it ministered to me in my situation as well. Thank You for being there for us, Lord.

I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent through the fire
I've been in the valley when it was dry
Walked through the desert to the other side

I'm not a preacher and I'm not a hero
My life has never been that kind
But there is one thing that I hold onto
I am yours, and Lord you are mine

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need a friend
And I find you waiting there for me

I've seen a widow cry through her sorrow
And still raise her hands in the midst of it all
And Lord I'm reminded when I was weary
You carried me, yes you carried me

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend
And I find you waiting there.....

BRIDGE
In the midst of a struggle
There is one thing I know
You'll never leave me, no never alone

I've heard the angels and I've seen the devil
Fought with the lion, sent straight through the fire

CHORUS
And through all these years You have been there
Dried all my tears and answered my prayers
I just want to feel your presence again
I'm down on my knees in need of a friend
And I find you waiting
And I find you waiting there for me

Waiting, I find you waiting there

Blessed

Dinner bought for us last night by a friend.
Large check for Hannah Bug to go shopping given by a family friend.
Dinner being bought for us tonight by family.

We are so blessed! :)

Jesus Paid It All

Today I am just sitting and reflecting on the way we relate to God. We "mess up" as we call it, and suddenly feel that all is lost. We are ashamed, as though our relationship with Him is now ruined and will not be able to be redeemed. But we forget that the journey is the whole point! Salvation is not an ending, but a beautiful beginning. We are going to fall....over and over again. But it's what we do in that moment that makes us who we are. It's what we do in that moment that shows the world-and God and ourselves-what we are truly made of. We don't need to feel ashamed.

These stumbles and falls are all a part of the walk of faith we are on. Jesus paid the price on the cross for us so that we could be redeemed. Not so we could go and sin anytime we wanted and never repent. But so that we could grow, change, and learn to be more like Him. I don't know about anyone else, but each time I have fallen-I have learned something from it. We are not meant to be perfect, we are simply meant to commune with God, learn from Him, and do His will on the Earth. When we don't get it quite right, we need to ask God what He wanted us to see about ourselves through that situation and how we can grow from it.

And we have heard the phrase "Jesus paid it all" so many times that I think we forget what that actually means. He paid for ALL of it. Not just the "big sins" as we call them, but the little ones that matter just as much. When we are impatient, rude, gossipy, self-serving. When we talk too much, pray too little, and can't seem to figure out why things aren't turning out right. He paid for that. His blood was shed so that we could be MORE than what we were when He found us. So, each time that you "fail" Him, ask Him to change your heart, so that next time you can handle the situation the way that He would. Always heed the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but never allow the devil to have a field day with you when you mess up. 

And be grateful that you are walking with the Lord, and that He is causing the Holy Spirit to convict you. Some people have ignored that voice so many times that they no longer hear it, or it is very faint.

Lately God has been showing me so many things that I thought were right, that were very wrong. I saw faith and salvation as so "black and white", cut and dried. I thought I understood the way the Lord thinks, but how could I? His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts higher than my thoughts. He doesn't spend so much time worrying about how I mess up or how often. He is more concerned with how I handle my mistakes and what I do afterward. Do I allow Him to show me a better way or do I continue trying to do it all myself? And I used to think that when I made a mistake I was so far away from God, but now I see that He often draws me closer during those times. So that He can reprove, rebuke, exhort....so that He can teach me a better way. Those are the moments when we are convicted and humbled, more ready to listen and much easier to teach.

Nothing Much

Nothing much to report except wonderful, busy life. I have been working, working, working-which is good. We didn't have choir practice Tuesday night, but I found plenty to do to keep me busy. Yesterday I had a lot of errands to run after work, and by the time I got Hannah home she was running a fever. So, we both missed church last night. I really think she is cutting her 1 year molars. She has been cranky and tired for a couple of days, and just seems agitated like she is in pain. She is also gnawing on everything and drooling a lot. Poor baby. I checked her temp before leaving for work today though, and it was normal. Tonight we are supposed to be having dinner with the Villelas, if Hannah is feeling up to it. And this weekend we really don't have anything planned.....yay! :) I love weekends like that, because we hardly ever have them. Happy Friday Eve, all!

Thankful

It's Tuesday Monday, the best kind of beginning to a week. I want to post a Thankfuls list because I am totally overwhelmed by what the Lord is doing in my life. The Scripture about God pouring out blessings that there would not be room enough to contain? It came to me this morning because that is what He is doing. And I am so glad about that, since I have felt like I was walking around in a fog lately.

1. Friends....friends...friends....they are such a blessing to my life!
2. Meals prepared for us or bought for us....overwhelming number of those lately!
3. Groceries being bought for us.
4. My husband....he is so good to me and Hannah.
5. Our extended family that is so full of wonderful people.
6. Getting to go to the movies last night and see something I really wanted to see.
7. Hannah's new personality traits that are emerging....some funny and some challenging. I love Motherhood! :)
8. TONS of sub jobs I have been getting lately.
9. Getting to see Laura last week....I miss her so much.
10. Revival is coming up next week.
11. God is teaching me so many things about myself, life, love, being a wife and mother, being a leader in our church, being His servant. He is totally rockin' my world right now and I just pray that He never stops speaking to me the way He is right now. It's so awesome!
12. The overwhelming sense of security I have in knowing who holds tomorrow.
13. The Valentine's Banquet was a success, and I am so grateful to God for that. We blessed and served our church people, and raised some money for our students in the process.
14. We had a wonderful Valentine's weekend.

Brother Scott

I don't know if it's the weather...or what. But I can't stop thinking today. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Maybe it's because I saw Laura last night. Or if it's that I have time to think, because I am home today. Scott and Laura both just will not leave my mind. I cried as I drove home last night because I was still looking for him at church. Then I felt guilty because I am sure that Laura struggles with that evey moment of every day. I have never taken someone's death so hard....ever. But his passing represents so many things for me. He represented my youth-not that I am an old woman by any means. But the times of being a student in a youth ministry are over. He represented some of the most amazing times of praise and worship I have ever experienced. He was there when I finally decided to get real about God as a young person. He was so much of the reason that I had the desire to do that.

I remember songs he sang, words he preached, things he said to me, times when he made me laugh (TONS of those). I always wanted an older brother, and since Scott was so close to my age, he couldn't really be a "father figure" to me. (Even though many times he was). But he most certainly felt like a brother to me. I think that's why I always called him "Brother Scott", because he was my spiritual brother-and not in name only. He was a friend, a confidante, a prayer warrior, a counselor, a leader. He was my "wake-up call" when I was headed in the wrong direction. So decisions I made I would ask myself "What would Brother Scott think about this?". Of course what God thought came into play, but sometimes it's easier to have a person in your life to be your "moral compass", especially as a young person. I felt accountable to him, but I never felt that he judged me. He taught me what it meant to love as Christ loves the church, how to be a true disciple of Christ, how to "live out loud" for God. I thank God for his influence on my life. I am so glad that I knew him. It's just so hard to say goodbye to him.

To Have That Kind Of Courage

I am thinking of the Harvells alot today. Tears stung my eyes this morning as I thought back to the day that we travelled to Tifton for Scott's funeral. That was one of the most horrible days of my life. I felt literally sick as we got closer to the campgrounds, and I actually wondered if I was going to be able to get out of the car and walk into the tabernacle. Horrible. My heart was so broken over what I felt were promises broken....by God....to us. I have reconciled all of that since, with the help of the Holy Spirit.

And now I am still reflecting on Scott and how special he was. With how he lived his life....fearless, strong, full of faith, kind, compassionate, loving. He was one of the most wonderful people I have ever known, and will always (along with his amazing wife Laura) remain the most precious "hero of the faith" I have been privileged to call my friend. And I think about how hard it must have been for him to suffer so much. Yet he still believed with all of his heart that God could (and would) heal him. To have that kind of courage, that kind of faith.....well, one can only hope to be half of what he was. :)

And speaking of courage, my heart aches today as I think about Laura. She has been so strong, so full of faith, so full of praise to God. She believes that He will take care of her, and so do I. But I cannot imagine what she must be feeling right now.....as she walks this road of life without her husband. How difficult and painful that must be. Her whole life changed in that one moment when Scott's spirit slipped away. I think about how difficult the day of the funeral was for all of us-but with the exception of Scott's parents-Laura was the one who had the true heartache that day. And I am sure she is still carrying it with her....everywhere she goes, every day when she wakes up, with every breath and every thought. To have her faith and her courage....it just blows my mind. I am so proud of her for how she has held up through all of this. I am inspired by her, just like I was inspired by her husband so many times.

I think that this post was more therapy for me than anything else. I am just so heavily burdened for Laura and Anslie, and still so sad that Scott is gone. I needed to post this and get these things off my mind and my heart. But if you are reading this, and maybe you know Laura (or maybe you don't)-say a prayer for her, please. It would mean so much to me. God bless you.

Post-Edit Note

The only thing I have figured out so far is that if you go to my archives on the left side, and then click the title of the individual blog post, you can scroll up and down on that post. So, if you really wanna read what I am writing-you can do it that way until I figure out something else. Thanks!

Am I Alive, Am I On Purpose?

My head is spinning right now with SO MUCH. First things first though, I can't scroll up and down on my blog to read older posts, which means neither can anyone else. If you can help me with that, please let me know! There was what looked to be an open door for me last week in the job situation, but then it seemed to close. Somehow though, I didn't fall apart when that happened. Maybe I am growing, learning, gaining more faith from all of this? Maybe.

Now I am just putting my name and face out there wherever I can. Making my certification known to administrators and just waiting for my time to come. Someone, somewhere is going to see my potential. I will find favor somewhere, and God will grant this desire of my heart. I know that for sure, but with that comes my least favorite part-the waiting.

While I have the time, while I wait-I am looking deeper into my spiritual life. Why I do the things I do, how I could do things better, places where I have focused on myself and not on others. Times when God wanted to come in and do things, but I thought I had it under control....ever been there? So now I am trying to open up my world to Him and let Him come in and make my life what He wanted it to be in the first place. Like we are supposed to do anyway. Where did I miss that Scripture?

At the same time though, my faith is being stretched MORE THAN EVER! There was a time very recently when I felt very alone, very betrayed, and hurt with God. I felt like He had let me down and left me out in the cold. I wondered what good faith and prayer were when it seemed He didn't answer anyway. But the beautiful part about this was, Satan meant to destroy me with that thinking pattern. He meant for me lose all hope and turn away from God. But God took that doubt, fear, and pain..and He turned it around. He strengthened my faith even more, and showed me that what I was going through is what faith is really all about. To believe in Him when I can't see Him, can't hear Him, sometimes can't even feel Him. That's where we end and He begins, because faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things NOT seen. I may not be teaching right now, but I will be again. Scott may be gone from my sight for now, but I will see him again. Finances may look hopeless and bleak right now, but the Lord continues to provide.

So, I am trusting in Him to meet every single need in my life. I am not trying to do this in my power anymore, I am allowing Him to work things out for my good. And though people may not understand, I am going to continue to lean on God and listen to Him, and allow Him to order my steps.

Walking, stumbling

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

There's distraction buzzing in my ear
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
I've heard rumors of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things

When the world is falling out from under me
I'll be found in You still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

So, this morning was hard. I had a dream last night that I was heading to Scott's funeral....again. That was....not cool. I will just say it that way. This left me feeling kinda out of it this morning. But, this has been a great couple of days. I can see God beginning to move in my difficult situations, and I feel my faith beginning to rise again. Of course this means an attack will come. I will have to finish this post later....duty calls.

Hosanna

I see the King of Glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole Earth shakes, the Earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation rising up to take their place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

This is all I want for my life right now....the last day revival that Scott lived and prayed for, and the return of our King. These are my heart's desires. Has it really been a week since he left us? I miss him a lot.

Thursday

It is very painful to blog right now, because there are too many hurts too deep to go into at the moment. Plus, I just don't seem to have ANY time to sit down and do so. Because of this, I am going to go back to the Thankfuls lists for awhile. That way, at least I am blogging something for the people who actually read this thing. :) And the Thankfuls lists help to look on the bright side of things.

1. Wonderful package that came yesterday with gifts for Hannah and a special gift for Daniel and I.
2. Tomorrow is Friday.
3. My baby girl will be 1 year old tomorrow!
4. Hannah's birthday bash is Saturday, and lots of special people are coming to celebrate this important day with us!
5. Scott's funeral-though painful-was also beautiful, spiritual, and refreshing.
6. God is doing something in me.....I know it, I feel it, I anticipate it.
7. I have PRECIOUS friends who have held me up during this painful week.
8. God has given me the gift of singing, and I feel so close to Him when I do that.
9. I have a wonderful husband.....I am praying that we have a chance to spend some "couple time" soon...I miss him.
10. Our church is fasting and praying in anticipation of "going to another level" in God. We can't wait for Him to pour out His spirit on us!

Our Hope Endures

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume that this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain
Our joy at a good man's wake
Walk a mile with a woman whose body is torn
With illness but she marches on

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient

We never walk alone
This is our hope
Our hope endures, the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
let the earth quake
let the earth quake
let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

. Send "Our Hope Endures" Ringtone to your Cell .

Thinking Back

As I pray for the Harvells today, I am just thinking back on all the times they were there for me. All of the times that they "brought me up higher" spiritually speaking. When I was faltering, they were always there with a word of encouragement and a little something to show me that there was more to life than what I was living for at that moment. They are the type of Christians that we ALL are supposed to be. The kind of Christians that make other people want what we have. Even in their darkest hour, they still inspire me.

To Scott....thank you for all the times that your passion for Christ re-ignited a passion in me. Thank you for all the times that you spoke words of life into our youth group. Thank you for always following the Spirit in your ministry. Thank you for being a real, honest, true, passionate, longsuffering, compassionate follower of Christ. I love and miss you so much, and can't wait to see God gettin' His glory when all of this is over for you. I am standing in the gap for you, praying for you now when you can't pray for yourself. And thanks for all the times I know you have stood in the gap for me. You are a true disciple of Christ, and I am honored to call you my friend.

To Laura....you are the kind of woman, wife, and mother I strive every day to be. Your commitment to God and your family inspire me. Your steadfast faith and trust in God speak volumes to the rest of us. You are uncompromising, strong, and beautiful. I look forward to hearing you tell the story of victory when you are on the other side of this battle. I am praying for you as you have prayed for me so many times. Thank you for being a friend, confidante, and true example of what a Christian woman should be. You and Scott both are heroes in my eyes.

To Anslie....you have a spiritual beauty and anointing that far exceeds your years. The difference you made in my life is still being seen today. I pray that God will restore unto your family every moment that the devil has stolen through your Daddy's sickness. I am so proud of your strength, and the purpose that you live out each day as you bless the people around you with your sweet spirit.

I love you, Harvell family. I am standing with you.

Breath of Heaven

I have been a little slack on the blogging. This is partly because I took a little "Internet break".

This was partly because school started back this week, and I have been busy.
And it was partly because, I am struggling and wasn't sure what I wanted to write about.
But, then it happened. Yesterday. The breath of Heaven brushed my face in such a beautiful way, I cannot describe it to you. But, I will try. I was working yesterday....can't say where or what age or anything else because of the privacy issues with teachers/students. But I can tell you about this little person. We will call him "D". He is blind. At first, I was a little taken aback. I have never worked with a child who cannot see. As I watched him though, I realized that he was beautiful. I could feel his little heart and his spirit, and it blessed me so much. I had never worked with him before, but something in him responded to something in me....and he couldn't stay away from me. He would come up and take my hands and play with my fingers and my rings. He pulled my hands onto his chest and held them there and smiled.

I was singing a song with one of the other kids, and "D" came over and took my hand and smiled as I sang. Each time I would begin singing, he would find his way back to me....and hold my hand and listen. This may all seem inconsequential to you, but it changed something inside of me. I felt grateful. Grateful that my child has no physical difficulties, grateful that my life is what it is, and that even on my worst day-at least I can see the world around me. I don't have to "feel" my way to walk around, I can just see and walk! And grateful to work with children...to be able to meet this magnificent little person. Grateful to know that I am doing exactly what I should be going, working with children and being loved (and sometimes healed) by their little sweet souls!

Thank You, Lord for breathing life into me on a very difficult day. I needed that so much, I needed You. And You were there.

Commitments

I choose not to call them "resolutions", because those always get broken!

Commitments for 2010
Exercise.....notice I didn't put an amount of times per week to do this.....at this point, anything would be good!

Put laundry away when it comes out of the dryer. These seems silly, but OH the headaches it will save me from!!!

Make better food choices......this one is especially important because I have a little one watching me now....and starting to eat whatever I eat.

Pray and read the Word consistently every single day!

Continue to work on my "attitude of gratitude" and "taming my tongue".

That's all.....I didn't want to make too many.....harder to stick with it. These are all things that are very important to me and that I want to work on in the new year. I figured putting them on a public forum like this would help me remain motivated about doing these things. Happy 2010, everyone!

2009-A Year In Review

Although I am a very thankful person, I think I am going to put the "Thankfuls" lists aside for awhile, and just blog. When I can. ;) Today, I was thinking about the new year that is rapidly approaching. This of course, leads me to think about the year that is ending. What a year 2009 has been.

January brought us the sweetest gift EVER! On January 29th, our sweet Hannah Faith was born. She has changed my life in so many ways. I am a more giving, selfless, kind person than I have ever been before. I have become more aware of the importance of faith, family, and love than I ever was before. Having a child is the most wonderful gift from God (after the gift of salvation, of course). I highly recommend both to you.

February, life began to return to normal....well, our new normal. We had our first picture taken as a family at the youth Valentine's Banquet, and I couldn't stop staring at that photo. I was FINALLY a mommy and lovin' every minute of it. Hannah was also dedicated to the Lord that month. We acknowledged before our family and friends that she was given to us by God, and that we were grateful for that.

March was when we found out I wouldn't have a job to come back to the next school year. That was so painful, depressing, scary, and a million other bad adjectives that I cannot think of at the moment. I thank God and God alone that we have been able to survive throughout this nightmare. I look forward to finding out in 2010 what His greater purpose was for this horrendous event.

April brought Hannah's First Easter....it was wonderful to celebrate such a special day with our special girl. I tried to post a picture here, but it ended up at the top. I will figure this out one day!

May was my first Mother's Day as a mommy! Boy, did I celebrate it. I remembered the Mother's Day the year before and how down I was. I kept saying I am still not a Mommy. Little did I know at the time, but I was already pregnant with Hannah on Mother's Day! I should really trust God a little more, huh? Also in May, school got out. I worked some temporary jobs and soaked up the time with Hannah. I also cleaned out my classroom and cried my eyes out.

June, July.....more of the same......temp work and time with Hannah. We celebrated July 4th with the family. Another pic at the top. This was also when Daniel and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary. He is so good to me, and I love him so much. I have enjoyed watching him become a daddy, and see how much he loves our daughter. It makes me love him even more! This was also the time that it started to seem like Hannah's first year was going by way too fast.

August....school started back, I was still working in a business office. The first day of school was a sad one for me. I wanted to be in my classroom, meeting my new students, and just being a teacher. I decided to begin substitute teaching a few weeks after school started, and that kept me busy through the rest of the year. September-working, etc.

October....Daniel's birthday, Hannah's first Halloween....fun fun! I also did a long-term sub job at Satilla Marsh during this time. I enjoyed that so much, I didn't want to see it end. We also went on our little "staycation" this month. We went and stayed on St. Simons with my dad, Dawn, and their little ones. We thoroughly enjoyed that time.

November.....my 29th birthday....we went to Jax....went shopping....went to Olive Garden!

Thanksgiving was also this month. I enjoyed seeing my family enjoy Hannah...and Thanksgiving always means good food! I also had so much to be thankful for.

December brought Christmas....all the shopping, preparation, wrapping, eating. We have had so much fun this year with Hannah's first Christmas....we didn't want to see it end. We are now preparing for her 1st birthday party, and I am so excited for it-but at the same time I want to cry! My baby isn't a baby anymore. She is becoming a big girl!!

I will say this for 2009...it has been the best and the worst year. With everything that has happened work/financial-wise, I am so glad that Hannah is here. She makes everything easier to cope with just by looking at her sweet little face. She has brought us such joy. Also, because of the work situation-I have had more time for my family and friends than I did before. That is a wonderful blessing. The biggest lesson I have learned this year is-stop and smell the roses. Enjoy your friends, your extended family, your spouse, and your children. These are the treasures you can enjoy on Earth and also take with you to Heaven.

I look forward to 2010 because God is in control. He has every one of my days in His hands, and He will carry me.

Tuesday

So, Christmas pretty much took up our weekend....it was great! That, and church on Sunday. My wonderful husband took me shopping in Darien for Christmas gifts he didn't have time/money to get before Christmas.





Hannah seemed to be getting rapidly worse with her cold, so I took her to the doctor yesterday. Our good ole Dr. G told me that she has RSV. So, we were getting prescription, lunch, nap, face time with Mommy after that yesterday. Then, my wonderful husband (sensing a pattern?), cooked dinner, then we left the little one behind with Nana and went to the church to help them clear out the Christmas decorations. Went to Wal Mart after and bought Hannah a vaporizer, went home and put her to bed. I am having a terrible time sleeping since she has been sick because she coughs, and I listen. Listen for choking, listen for more coughing, listen for breathing. That's Mommy life.





Today, we have been hanging out in the house. She is napping a lot because of the medicine, but seems to be feeling better. Thank You, Lord. Daniel's mom has invited us over for dinner tonight, so that means night number two of not cooking. What a princess I am!





Tomorrow, Hannah Bugs and I will be preparing the house for New Year's festivities on Friday. I.e.-lunch with Mimi, Grandpa, Poppy, and Mema. Then I am going to start helping my parents move. And Saturday is the big moving day, so you probably won't hear from me then. In other words, this blog is mostly to say-I don't have much time to blog right now. Happy New Year, everyone!

Thank You

1. I got to sleep in today.
2. We went and saw Mom's new place yesterday, so cute!
3. Mom bought us dinner again last night.
4. I have some last minute prep to do for Christmas dinners today and tomorrow because it's Christmas Eve!
5. I am so excited for Hannah's first Christmas....we have the video camera and the photo camera charged and ready to go, so lots of pictures are forthcoming. We are having breakfast with the grandparents, reading the Christmas story from the Bible, and opening gifts. Then we are all having a big lunch together.
6. Daddy will be home with us at 12 o'clock. :)
7. This year I know we are going to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. It won't be much, but it will be all about family and the Lord-who it should be about anyway.
8. I am enjoying my time off, if for nothing else than to keep up my house!
9. I had a "God moment" yesterday with a missionary I met outside of a store. I won't go into detail too much, but God showed me the true meaning of Christmas, and of our lives for that matter-in that moment of a stranger asking to pray with me. It was a beautiful thing.
10. My cousin Logan is in town, so I got to see his little boy River for the first time yesterday. It was great to see both of them.

Gratitude

1. Lunch with Mom today.

2. Spending time with Hannah today.

3. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

4. My house is clean.

5. I got my new kitchen table, and some bonus rocking chairs for the porch....all free.

6. The power of God's love....I have been so amazed lately by how He loves me, and how He moves me to love others.

7. Scott is awake!

8. I am finally back online.

9. Our lamp got broken over the weekend, and someone gave us another one yesterday....crazy!!

10. I made lots of Christmas candy with Mimi on Monday, and she brought me a bunch of it. So good!

The picture at the top is of Scott and Laura....thought I should post one since I talk about them all the time!!

Today's Highlights

Hannah's first cupcake....well, half of a cupcake. I insisted on cutting it in half, she's not even 1 yet!! She studied it for just a second....and then she shoved it STRAIGHT into her mouth. Her daddy and I were laughing hysterically!

Other highlights....

I got a lot of work done in the house today.

We had Chinese food for dinner.....no cooking.

Two more days until Christmas Eve! :)

I got my new kitchen table....no pictures yet.

And I got some rocking chairs for the front porch.

Great day!

So....

So...I am back. SO MUCH to tell, but no time. Christmas is in three days, and my house is a train wreck!!! My Internet was down for day upon miserable day....so I have not posted. I am just trying to get caught up on everything I missed. I promise....a blog will be forthcoming. Or maybe a few blogs...but first......

1. Wash dishes
2. Wash laundry
3. Clean out the fridge
4. Vac and mop all the floors
5. Clean the oven
6. Clean the living room....which includes putting away massive amounts of laundry.
7. Clean Hannah's room, de-junk Hannah's room in preparation for Christmas gifts of new toys, books, and clothes.
8. Clean the dreaded bathrooms
9. And whatever other cleaning-related activities I find along the way. Mimi has Hannah for the day, so I am free to clean! Happy Tuesday, everyone.

Wednesday

Thankful.....

1. My cooking/baking is done for the party tonight.
2. The youth party is tonight.
3. I am at home with Hannah today.
4. The dishes are done.
5. I have had time to wash laundry.
6. Hannah's first Christmas is going to be wonderful.
7. Mom bought us dinner last night, so I didn't have to cook.
8. Two more days until Christmas break.
9. The weather is turning cold...ish again.
10. I may be getting a new kitchen table for Christmas. :) And the best part is, it's totally free!

And one more....when we got home from choir last night, Hannah was still awake. She was teething and generally feeling yucky. So, I took her to her room and we rocked in her chair. I tried the bottle, and she didn't want that. So then, I was singing "Jesus Loves Me" (that's our nighttime song), and she kept reaching up to touch my face, put her face on my face, kiss me, or lay her cheek on my face. It was the sweetest thing ever!

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is a dishwasher.

Love,

Jennifer

Little Muscle Man

This is the newest form of entertainment at our house. "Hannah, show me your muscles!"

The giggles are endless!!!

Random

Random reasons why I love my husband.....Tuesday Edition. :)

He listens as I blither on about Angie, NieNie, Mary....all my "blog sisters". I mean actually listens.

He washes laundry.

He goes to the grocery store for me.

He puts gas in my car.

He takes care of Hannah so Mommy can go and enjoy a night with the girls. He dresses her for bed, plays with her, cleans up after her, puts her to bed, and then shares stories with me about their evening together when I get home. :) So sweet.

He encourages me.

He considers me.

He texts me throughout the day, just because he misses me.

He prays for me.

He tells me I am beautiful.

He is a wonderful daddy.

He cooks for us.

He takes out the trash, empties the Diaper Genie and takes the trash can to the street for pick up day.

He helps me with the dishes.

He has mastered the art of actually asking your wife how you can help!!!

He loves me, and never lets a day go by without telling me so.



He picked me.

Perspective from total strangers

So, this weekend we went to a Christmas concert at Abundant Life. I expected to sing along to a few Christmas carols and chat with some old friends. What I did not expect was for God Himself to speak into my situation.

As I was sitting and listening, and wrestling my sleepy, busy 10 month old, Christina began to talk about going through trials. How we need not to "wish them away", but to allow our eyes to see what God is trying to do in our life. And how we need to embrace what happens to us, and let it hurt and DEAL WITH IT. Because if we don't deal with it, let ourselves grieve, let it overtake us for a little while-then we can't see the trial for what it is. It won't change us or cause us to grow-we will just stagnate. I can't remember her exact words, but this is what I got from what she was saying.

And so, I am no longer ashamed that I have allowed this hurt to wash over me and bring me to tears many, many times. That was a necessary part of the process. I will not feel shame if the tears come again...and again....and again. Each time that I grieve over this now, I will pray that God begin to show me the truth of the situation. Why did this happen, what was the purpose? What can I learn from this, what can I do differently? And what blessings is God going to bring through this trial? What blessings is He already bringing through this trial?

After the concert, I spoke to a friend who is a fellow educator. She was one of the few people who saw past the negatives of the situation, and just talked with me about the things that I am gaining from this trial. The amount of time I have been able to spend with Hannah, with Daniel and the rest of the family, the time I have been able to focus on our ministry and my relationship with God. I wouldn't have that if this had not happened. I also would not have the renewed sense of purpose in my life, the strengthening of my passion for education. I have such gratitude now for each moment spent in a classroom, every opportunity to teach, and to make a difference in a child's life.

Also, in reading Nie Nie's story today, I have received some much needed perspective. How each day, each moment is a choice. We can choose to be depressed and despondent, or we can choose to embrace every sweet (or bittersweet) moment of life. We can choose to be thankful for all the good things we have, instead of focusing on what we don't have. These are the things we forget when we are weighed down by the world and it's distractions. We forget to see how beautiful our lives really are. So, to these total strangers who really seem more like friends-thank you. Thank you for showing me how to hurt and how to move on, all at the same time.

Tuesday Thankfuls

1. Working at Satilla today.
2. Christmas party last night was so much fun.....yummy food, great company, fun presents.
3. Spending time with my babies last night.
4. I just finished reading Nie Nie's story from the AZ Republic. Inspiring.
5. Just a few more days until Christmas break.
6. Getting some things done yesterday after school.
7. Having time to get more things done after school today. :)
8. Youth Christmas party tomorrow night.
9. Another good night's sleep last night.
10. Hannah is standing up by herself. So, walking should be coming soon. Sad and happy about that one. She is growing up so fast!!

And...

Two more thankfuls....this picture......AND....Hannah Bug's 1st birthday party pack came in this weekend!!! :) :) :) SO SO CUTE.

Thankfuls

1. Satilla Marsh today.
2. And tomorrow.
3. Santa pictures, family pictures, Christmas shopping...this weekend was great!
4. Busy, busy week ahead.
5. Ladies' Christmas party tonight, riding with my sweet friend Anita.
6. Going home to my sweet Hannah girl in about an hour.
7. Great night's sleep last night.
8. Christmas concert this past Friday night....some of the things that were said really made me begin to see my situation in a different way...more on that later. And, I had a great conversation with a friend after the concert that continued to enlighten me. :)
9. My sweet, wonderful, helpful, supportive, adoring husband.
10. Christmas is right around the corner!

Friday

Thankfuls....

1. FRIDAY!!!!!
2. Christmas concert tonight.
3. I am working today, dunno yet if that's a Thankful or not....lol.
4. We are taking Christmas pics tomorrow, and going to meet Santa. And doing some Christmas shopping with Nana for Hannah, I think.
5. Getting to wear my favorite coat today because it's cooooooold.
6. Dinner last night with some of my favorite people on Earth.
7. Oyster roast/bonfire/whatever it is....tomorrow night at the church.
8. Hannah is doing well. We had a little bathtub mishap last night. Read: she ate soap. There was quite a stir in my house last night, as you can imagine.
9. Lots of yummy Christmas goodies got dropped off at my house by a sweet little Santa's helper. We usually just call her Mimi. :)
10. In a few short hours, I will go home to my sweet little family. They are such a blessing, it's ridiculous. They make life so sweet. Hannah and Daddy, I love you with all of my heart.

This Week

So, I tentatively begin this blog as I listen for peeps out of the little one's nursery. She was whining and rubbing her eyes, so I laid her in her crib. She has been protesting for a few minutes, but I think she is about to fall asleep now. Anyway, this week....

It has been a very different kind of week. I couldn't sleep Sunday night, so I didn't make it to sub Monday. I slept in, I mean REALLY slept in. Which for me is ten o'clock-but you know. Then, The H Bug and I went to Dr. G's for her flu shot, and had a little adventure at Wally World after. Then Monday night our little fam just hung out here at home. Tuesday, I subbed for a Special Ed Pre-K teacher, picked up Hannah from Mimi's after school, cooked dinner, and left Hannah with Nana so Daddy and I could go to choir practice. When we got home from choir, Little Tiny was still awake. We all laughed at that, played for awhile, and I finally got her to go to bed around ten.

Then, yesterday....I slept through a sub call. I jumped up at 8 o'clock, thinking that we had slept through the trash pick-up as well. We hadn't, but I am sure my neighbors enjoyed me running out to the street with our trash can-bed head, rumpled pjs, the whole nine yards. Daddy was off, so he and Hannah went to the bank to visit friends while Mommy got ready for the day. When they returned, we headed to the mall to buy a few Christmas gifts. I got Twilight Woods lotion, body cream, and body spray for Christmas! :) Then we had lunch at Sonny's....that was Daddy's idea-I had endless heartburn from it, but he was happy. After lunch, we headed to Wal Mart.....such a pattern in our lives with that place. We bought the food and gifts that we needed for the youth Christmas party next Wednesday. We had such fun doing that. We have discussed my love of planning, cooking, decorating, giving gifts before-so you understand. We came home and Hannah went down for a nap, so I decided to bake cookies. Then Daddy and I spent time together while I wrapped presents.

Last night, we had a wonderful church service. I don't know if anyone else thought it was wonderful, but God spoke to me and I was captivated. I needed to hear from Him, and it's so special at this time of year to feel His presence. And today, I didn't get any calls to sub, so here I am at home again. Hannah and I have played this morning, we are going out to pick up a few more things for the youth Christmas party after she wakes up, and then we are just going to hang out at home. Daniel and I are going to his work Christmas party tonight, and hopefully I will work tomorrow. After that, we are going to the Christmas concert at Abundant Life-our former church. Which means we will get to see most of our first church family. :) I don't want to say former church family, because they are definetely not that. And some of our current church family is going with us, which I am also really excited about.

So, this week has been very different.....and some people might think kinda bad. I do not agree, except for the financial part of it, since I haven't worked much. I think I really needed this time off. Last week was horrendous on so many levels, I spent a lot of time crying and felt very depressed. This week I have been able to get some things done, regroup, fellowship with my friends and family, spend time with the Lord, and just breathe. And God will take care of us financially, just like He always does. The time I have had for the most important things in my life this week cannot be replaced by any amount of money.

Lord, I thank You for this precious gift of time you have given me this week. I thank You for giving me time to slow down and appreciate this wonderful season for what it is. And I thank You for the gift of Your son, most of all. Help us to remember that Jesus is the reason for the season-and to celebrate Him.

Tuesday

1. Hannah's Christmas pics are scheduled for Saturday!
2. Working today.
3. Busy, full, fun week planned.
4. I am working at SME on Friday and Monday. :)
5. Hubs and I working together last night to get things accomplished at home. He's so great.
6. Time with Hannah yesterday....she got through her shot like a big girl!
7. Cooking dinner while listening to Christmas music and playing with Hannah.
8. Wrapping Christmas gifts....whenever I can get around to it....lol.
9. All of the Christmas parties we are going to this week and next.
10. Being blessed by God.

Thankful

1. I finally got that weekend rest that I was looking for....too bad it had to come at the cost of not working today.
2. Christmas/birthday shopping for Hannah.....SO MUCH FUN!
3. Family time we spent this weekend.
4. Lunch with friends yesterday.
5. Singing Christmas carols at church.
6. An unexpected gift that was given yesterday.
7. Supernanny....my newest obsession.
8. Seeing the Swains....I have missed them so much. And seeing them and knowing what they have gone through reminds me that I am not the only one who is hurting.
9. The bunch of compliments I got on how pretty I looked in my red sweater at church. I needed those.
10. Enjoying Christmas, but knowing that Jesus is the gift.

Friday

Thankful....

1. For girl time with Rachel yesterday.....she saved me from myself. :)
2. McDonald's and Dora the Explorer made up our evening last night.
3. Friday!!!!
4. Wearing my Christmas shirt.
5. Glyndale-1st grade
6. Great night's sleep
7. Parade tomorrow
8. SATURDAY
9. Having time to clean tomorrow while Hannah goes with Nana to Granny's house.
10. Hannah was awake before I left today.
11. Sleeping in tomorrow
12. Hannah's new book.

Thursday

Thankfuls....

1. Today is almost over....not a bad day, just tired and ready to go home.
2. It's Thursday.
3. We don't have anywhere to go tonight, and my mom is coming to watch Hannah for awhile so we can get some things done.
4. Tomorrow is Friday.
5. We are going to the Christmas parade this weekend.
6. It's my dad's birthday....I've GOT to remember to call him.
7. Got to see my buddies, the Taylors last night at church. I have missed them.
8. Jesus is my strength.
9. I get to go pick up Hannah girl in a few minutes. :)
10. It's gonna get better.

This has been another rough week. I don't know if it's just the tiredness from being so sick and then going straight back to work or what....but I am really struggling with job/financial/family situations. Prayers are appreciated!

Thankfuls

1. Church tonight.
2. Caffeine.....I don't know if I am awake YET! But, I just got some caffeine, hope it helps.
3. Nothing to do tomorrow night after work.
4. STERLING! :)
5. The wonderful second grade team I am working with today.
6. Christmas music.
7. A "nothing to do" weekend coming up.
8. It's Wednesday, we're halfway there.
9. Sweet, sassy, opinionated, grown-up Hannah. She is hilarious, endearing, busy, and SO MUCH FUN!
10. My wonderful husband...he tries with all of his might to be the best daddy/husband/partner that he can be. I love him, love him, love him.

And one more for good measure...in January I will finally have my last check-up for the blood clot situation, and I should be able to get off the meds for good!!!

Friends

So, I was thinking tonight....about why each friend in your life means so much to you. I realized that, at least for me, each friend brings something different to my life.

Nena reminds me to be sensitive to God's voice. She reminds me to be slow to speak, quick to listen. She reminds me how beautiful life is when you live it close to the heart of God.

Jennie makes me laugh. UNCONTROLLABLY. She makes me forget that things are what they are, and just giggle like a little kid. And she looks up to me, which makes me feel like who I am isn't quite so bad.

Anita is the one I talk shop with.....Mommy shop....lol. We talk about all the Mommy do's and don'ts....places to shop....things that we feel about our babies....how motherhood stacks up to other things in our lives.....how we do what we do with our crazy husbands next to us. :) She is also a friend who always makes me feel special. She just has that way about her, that she can make you feel like the most important person in the room when you are talking to her.

Rachel is another "Mommy friend". But Rachel also reminds me of the power of prayer. When she tells you that she will pray for you-take it to the bank. She means it, and she will pray with fervent expectation for your miracle.

These are my four closest girlfriends. And in case I don't say it enough, ladies-I thank God for each one of you. LOVES!

Tuesday

Thankfulness....

1. I am working at Altama....first grade. I am really starting to like this school. And this grade.
2. I think Hannah is getting better. I am getting better.
3. I got a lot accomplished last night.
4. Mom is coming over tonight to watch Hannah while we are gone to choir practice.
5. We are planning to take Hannah to the Christmas parade on Saturday.
6. Church tomorrow night...I feel like I haven't been to church in AGES! We didn't have Sunday night church the Sunday before Thanksgiving, nor choir or church last week. This past Sunday, I was sick.
7. Now that I am getting better, I can enjoy the holiday season. Have I mentioned that I love Christmas?
8. The Lord is encouraging me, and showing me how to encourage myself. And my wonderful husband helps in that way as well. I have to share this-we were having a heart to heart the other day, and I told him that I felt like I was being torn down. He reminded me that sometimes you have to be torn down, so that God can build you back up. How awesome was that? I love him. :)
9. We grocery shopped last night....I'm the weirdo who enjoys doing that. I just love buying things to make meals for my family, organizing the cabinets and freezer and fridge, cooking meals for them. I could SO be a stay-at-home mom and love every minute of it. I'll put that on my grown-up Christmas list. ;)
10. My extended family needs lots of prayer right now, but I am thankful that I have a family to pray for.

Apologies and such

Sorry I haven't been posting, but I got sick with THE MOST HORRIBLE stomach virus over the weekend. Hubs started with it Thursday, then oh-s0-lovingly passed it on to me.

Poor Hannah-I think I have now passed it on to her. Oh well, that's family life.

I will now post my thankfuls for the Thanksgiving Break/weekend/today.

1. I am getting over the stomach virus!!!
2. I was able to eat something besides saltines.
3. Thanksgiving was wonderful-food, family, fun. Hannah had a blast, saw lots of family, ate lots of new food. She was so precious and grown up in her little heart dress. I love her. :)
4. Hannah was worried about Mommy being sick...I heard numerous reports that all day long she kept saying "Mama, mama, mama". So sweet.
5. Hubs went to the store at 11 o'clock Saturday night to buy me Sprite and saltines. He's the best!
6. I am working today.
7. Mimi, Grandpa, Daddy, Hannah, and I went shopping for some of Hannah's Christmas gifts on Friday. I enjoyed that togetherness with the family and getting things for our baby. Great fun!
8. Nana and I also went shopping on Friday and got Hannah's first Christmas ornament and stocking.
9. We put up the Christmas tree on Friday, and Hannah's little eyes lit up as she saw all of the pretty colors and lights. I am really enjoying seeing this holiday through her eyes.
10. I spent the whole day in the bed yesterday sleeping, reading, and watching TV. The only downside was that I was sick as a dog and stayed up all night the night before throwing up and sweating/shivering. Oh well, count your blessings where you can find 'em. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Oops....forgot these!
11. My sweet Nena is now an aunt! Christian was born on Friday.
12. Hannah is now ten months old! Yesterday was her "birthday". Wow, where did the time go?

Why I Love Thanksgiving

Instead of making a thankfuls list, like I have been doing...I decided to post reasons why I love Thanksgiving. Probably won't be online very much tomorrow, since I will be enjoying all of these things. Happy Thanksgiving!

The weather finally turns colder.
The holiday feeling begins at this time and stays in the air until New Year's. I LOVE IT!
We cook something yummy for breakfast and watch the Macy's Parade.
Snuggle time with Hubs...we are both off work on Thanksgiving, and can enjoy being together.
This year is going to be the greatest Thanksgiving yet, since Hannah is here! She can join all of our annual traditions, and they will become her traditions. :)
We have lunch at Daniel's parents' house.
Cooking, baking-the smells and all of the eating....lol. Wonderful food, great desserts.
The sound of my family laughing.
All of my family being together in one house at one time.
Getting to see my fabulous grandmother.
The sound of a football game is in the background pretty much all day-a sound I grew up with. All of the great Christmas movies start coming on TV, and you hear Christmas music in all the stores.
A day set aside to remember how blessed we truly are, and give thanks for it. A day to rest and relax, and enjoy your family and friends.

Tuesday

Thankful...

1. Hannah got up before I went to work...again! I love it! :)
2. Hannah got a very nice "early Christmas gift" from a neighbor. It's a little "baby trike" that she can ride, and it makes noises and plays music....so cute! Their grandchild outgrew it, and they gave it to us.
3. Nie was on the Today Show today, I have recorded it....can't wait to get home and watch it.
4. Having a much better experience today with a school I worked at previously and didn't quite enjoy...lol.
5. Thanksgiving Break starts in about 5 hours!
6. I was able to bless someone yesterday with some much needed groceries, etc....I enjoy being able to do that so much!
7. I am really looking forward to the holidays this year.....it's so exciting with a little one. Even though I have always enjoyed the holidays.
8. Scott made it through his surgery yesterday.
9. My hubby crawled up in the bed and watched the final Jon and Kate Plus 8 with me last night. I know he didn't want to, he doesn't like the show. But, it was so sweet. He's the best.
10. My mom and brother are going to be at the house for dinner tonight. :)

How Great Is Our God

As for what I do for a job, I am searching. Life has handed me a hard pill to swallow, and Daniel and I are praying about where I go next. I was a teacher, and will always be one in my heart, butI am not sure where God wants to use me now, and I want to follow His path for my life.

I am hardly ever on Myspace anymore, but I just happened to pull up my profile on there and actually READ it. This was posted under my "About Me" section, where you usually tell about yourself, including what you do for a living. Well, after the job situation happened, I had changed my About Me to include that paragraph above. As I read it today, I was AMAZED at my clarity of mind in such a difficult time. I am still struggling through this, but I encouraged myself today, reading those words that I wrote all those months ago when the wound was still SO fresh. I was trusting God, no matter what came. Now, in the midst of some bad experiences of being treated as "second rate" because I am just a sub, bills that aren't paid, fears that have to be spoken to daily, and questions I don't know how to answer-I need to find that woman again. The one who KNEW God was going to show up in her situation. She knew that God had a plan and a purpose for her life, and she was willing to accept only that. The battle rages on, and sometimes it's hard to stand strong. But, today...I am reminded of an unwavering faith and trust in God. And of how great He is, and that at the blink of an eye-everything can change. It will happen-in His time, by His strength, for His glory. And I will be what He created me to be.

Monday

Thankful....

1. Worked at Sterling today.
2. Got off at 11:30.
3. Have had time to do some housework.
4. Having dinner at Mimi and Grandpa's house tonight...no cooking! :)
5. One more day til Thanksgiving Break.
6. Hannah and Mommy time in a few minutes.
7. Scott is healed.
8. Putting Christmas decorations up this week.
9. My family
10. My friends

Sunday Thankfuls

I don't usually post on Sundays, but I have been slacking some lately on blogging....and we didn't have church tonight.

Thankful....

1. Heritage Day was wonderful.
2. We have had a great weekend with friends and family.
3. We had family night tonight since there was no evening service at church.
4. Working at Sterling tomorrow.
5. 2 day work week
6. Thanksgiving on Thursday
7. Cuddling with Hannah as she fell asleep tonight.
8. Praising God at church today for all of our blessings.
9. All of the great books I am currently reading simultaneously. :)
10. For my wonderful, beautiful life.

Thursday

Thankful....

1. I am feeling better.....emotionally and physically....I can feel that you prayed for me. Thank you.
2. Hannah woke up before I left this morning....LOVE morning time with her, since I don't usually get it.
3. I got to work on time even after having time with Hannah. YAY!
4. Satilla, Satilla, Satilla....man, I love this place!
5. Nothing to do tonight.
6. Tomorrow is Friday.
7. I slept on the couch last night....but I SLEPT! And I slept well.
8. Again, thankful for my husband. He cooked dinner last night.
9. God's presence during praise and worship last night. WOW, how I needed that!
10. Yard sale this weekend, we are hoping to make some extra cash since we so desperately need it!

Wednesday

I am really going through it right now, guys. SO MUCH going on in my life, heart, mind, family. I feel heavy and tired and frustrated. Complacency and lack of motivation threaten to taken over. That is why I am not blogging much....that and because I haven't felt very well in the last couple of days. Here are some of the things I am thankful for, some of the things that are helping me to "get through".

1. Jesus
2. My husband.....I am the most blessed woman in the world to be married to him....can't even begin to tell ya. He's the best.
3. Hannah....she brings such joy to our home.
4. Friends who really care and really "get it".
5. Music
6. Books that strengthen my faith...including the Bible, definetely.
7. My mom....all I can say is....thank God for Mom. :)
8. Thanksgiving next week....which includes three days off from work to spend with my sweet little family....and my extended family.
9. I will be back at my home away from home-Satilla Marsh-for the rest of the week.
10. I am going to make it....I just know it....I am going to look back on these days and wonder what all the fuss was about....lol.

Monday Monday

Monday thankfuls....

1. I am at Sterling.
2. I am teaching second grade....familiar territory.
3. We had an AWESOME weekend.
4. I sang "Healed" at church last night for Scott, and I felt every word of it. God's presence was beautiful.
5. Nena surprised me at church last night, just came by to say hey. AWESOME!
6. My mom bought Hannah the Christmas dress that I have been wanting to get for her. And shoes and tights and a bow to match.
7. Mom is coming over tonight to play with Hannah while I start packing Hannah's things for her spend the night party at Nana's on Friday night.
8. God is good!
9. Pastor and Mrs. Linda *Mema and Poppy, as they are commonly known in our house* came to dinner last night. I love em!
10. I have a job for each day this week, and for the two days that we have school next week. YAY GOD!

There is an answer on the way

I posted those two songs to encourage myself (and possibly some of you). I have had a tough week. Oh, the pain...the pain. And most of it has been in an area where I have been attacked nonstop for months....hurt....confused.....humbled.....betrayed. I was in a really bad place yesterday. I kept asking God "Why?". And I haven't been doing that, I have been trusting Him. But when the hits keep coming, I gotta ask Him.
Where are you?! When will you help me? Why is this happening?
But this morning, I woke up singing songs about His provision, His love, His mercy. And the questions I have in my mind now are-God, what are You about to do? What is it that You have for me that is so good that You had me go through this HUGE trial? How are you going to show up in my life, and allow blessings to unfold that can only have come fromYou? How is Your glory going to be shown in my life this time?
I woke up feeling that He is about to do something so enormous for me that I am going to have trouble understanding it, just as I have trouble understanding what He is doing right now. He is going to do something that people will have to give Him glory for, because He is the ONLY one who could have done it. Thank you, Lord for giving me my faith back. I let it slip for a moment, but we're back now! :) I know You better than to think that You are just going to bring me out here and let me die. Thanks to those who listened to me and prayed with/for me yesterday. You're amazing and I love you. Here's a list of thankfuls since I have not been in a mindset to blog in the last few days. Have a great weekend!

1. It's Friday!
2. I got my joy back...thanks to my Jesus.
3. I am working for my friend Anne today. I love her so much. She was my mentor teacher while I was student teaching....she's the best. And she has so much faith in me.
4. Dinner and shopping with Mom....and my babies....tonight.
5. Family time with Daddy and Hannah this weekend.
6. The answer that is on it's way to me.
7. God's love and encouragement.
8. Saturday with no plans. The weekend in general.
9. Being at Satilla Marsh today. I LOVE IT HERE!
10. The victory that is coming to me and my family.
11. It's cold enough outside that I have been wearing my new clothes. :)
12. Hannah has FINALLY cut a tooth....actually, there are two coming in.

Every Prayer

I heard 'em say.
"He brought me from a mighty long way."
Now today I can testify that I believe it.
And on my way. I realize He's the one who kept me.
When the storms of life arise. Sleepless nights and desperate cries.
He has captured every tear. Assuring me. He hears.
EVERY PRAYER. WAITING ON THE ANSWER.
ONLY TO DISCOVER HE IS NEAR AND HE HEARS.
EVERY PRAYER. FOR HE HAS DONE GREAT THINGS AND.
I BELIEVE HE'S A GOD THAT ALWAYS ANSWERS PRAYER.
I heard 'em say. "The prayers of the righteous availeth much."
And now today I can testify that I believe it.
And on my way I want to let you know that He will keep you.
When the storms of life arise. Sleepless nights and desperate cries.
He will capture every tear.
Assuring you that He hears. Don't despise the tears you've cried.
Or the prayers that you have prayed. Heaven heard your every word.
And the answer's on the way. I heard 'em say. "There is an answer on the way."
My God has done so many great things. Great things.
Hold on and you will see oh. He has done great things.
And I believe He's a God who always answers prayer.

How He Loves

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all He loves us,Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,Oh how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
He loves us,Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,Oh how He loves. Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,Oh how He loves us,Oh how He loves.

Tuesday

Today I am thankful because...

1. There is no school tomorrow. Hannah, Daddy, and I will have some family time together.
2. I got a job for today, but also got to sleep in a little.
3. I am at one of my favorite schools....SES.
4. These first graders are precious.
5. It hasn't rained, so we should have recess today!
6. I got to see my baby girl before work today.
7. It's Tuesday, so my mom will be coming over.
8. I got some new clothes this weekend....only trouble is-they are all long sleeved shirts and it's hot again!!
9. I had a terrific burst of energy last night, so I got alot done around the house before I crashed.
10. I got to have some quiet time to myself last night.

Monday

Thankful List for Today

1. I have a job for today.
2. I may have some future jobs coming out of this one.
3. I have another possible long term position.
4. I saw one of my old instructors from AASU, and she bragged about what a great educator I am. :)
5.I got a good night's sleep.
6. Church was wonderful yesterday.
7. I get to have quality time with my little one tonight.
8. I bought some great new books yesterday with my BAM gift card, can't wait to dive into them.
9. God is still working on me.
10. Scott is healed.

Birthday Thankfuls

I needed to do a totally seperate list of thankfuls for my birthday. Here goes....

14 million text messages...Daniel texted everyone he knows and told them to text me
Facebook shout outs
Phone calls...one in particular from my dad....it meant the world to hear his voice on my special day
Birthday cards...hubs' card made me cry....Hannah "signed" her card :)
A particularly special lady "blogging" about me and my birthday
The dinner that hubs and the grandmas cooked for me
The surprise chocolate cake Daniel ordered and brought home for me
BAM gift card from Hannah :)
Feeling God's presence
Lunch with hubs
Cuddle time with Hannah...her laugh, her smile, her sweet smell, and her warm little body cuddling as close as she could to mine
Knowing that the birthday fun isn't over.....we are headed to Jax with a couple friends tomorrow for dinner and....whatever!

It's Finally Friday!

Thankfuls for Friday....

1. My absoutely RIDICULOUS birthday yesterday. I say ridiculous because of how great it was.
2. Today is FRIDAY and hubs and I have no plans tonight other than to hang out together and cuddle with our precious baby girl.
3. We are going to Olive Garden tomorrow.
4. I get to go book shopping at BAM, since I got a gift card for my bday.
5. We have leftover food from last night's dinner, so I don't have to cook tonight!
6. God is amazing.
7. I feel deep in my soul today that I am meant to be a teacher. And someday soon, I will have my chance again.
8. We are going to Jax tomorrow, and because of my wonderful friends and family-I have money to spend at the mall. :)
9. I have the most amazing husband on this Earth. It would take a lot of typing to tell you everything that he did to make my day special yesterday, but it was perfect. Thank you, baby.
10. I am soaking up life and getting every bit of good I can get out of it. God is teaching me how. Did I mention He is amazing?

Thursday..wow, I am slackin' lately

Thankful....

1. That today is my birthday and I am working at one of my favorite schools...SES.
2. For the warm biscuit I had for breakfast...yummy.
3. Mom's birthday call this morning, hubby waking up to tell me "Happy Birthday"-then falling quickly back to sleep...lol.
4. The Lord greeting me with His presence this morning, His way of celebrating my day. :)
5. Tonight's dinner with family.
6. Getting to see Josh yesterday, he is home for awhile.
7. The great night's sleep I got last night.
8. LOTS of birthday wishes on Facebook.
9. Getting to be off yesterday and spend lots of good cuddle time with my precious girl. I miss her SO MUCH more today because of it, though. Also gave me a chance to reflect on what a great year this has been in sooooo many ways.
10. Tomorrow is FRIDAY!

Thankful

Since I have not posted in awhile, I will do more than just my regular ten "thankfuls". Sorry that I haven't posted lately, but I have been WAY too busy and WAY too tired.

1. Not having to work tomorrow.
2. Daddy Cooks Monday becoming a weekly tradition.
3. Birthday week...lol. Being off tomorrow, Thursday night dinner with family, Saturday trip with friends.
4. My "night-night conversations" with Hannah.
5. My sweet birthday card from my grandmother.
6. The GREAT night's sleep I got last night.
7. Getting to "sleep in" tomorrow....as long as my baby girl wants to sleep, that is.
8. The peace and quiet of our house right now....no phone, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, TV. No....our power is not out....I am just enjoying the quiet. :)
9. My mom coming over and helping with Hannah Bug even though choir practice was cancelled.
10. Hubby helping me wash the dishes tonight.
11. The wonderful weekend we just had....Hannah's first Halloween was wonderful, and we enjoyed time with friends.
12. I am feeling better.....Sunday I was feeling very sick and was afraid I was coming down with something.
13. Having time tonight to rest, reflect, recharge.
14. God's provision for us....He is more than enough.
15. Wonderful, wonderful gifts from God.....our precious family and sweet, thoughtful friends.
16. How working with children can give you insights about yourself. How your own child can do the same.
17. God's presence.
18. God's love...and His faithfulness...and the joy that knowing Him brings.