Lullaby

Listening to this song over and over as the Spirit of God washes over me, and speaks to me the things that only He and I know. How people get through life without God and  the Holy Spirit, I don't know.


Have you lost your way?
Do you think you'll get it back again?
Did you find something in the rubble of your memory?

It's a mystery
That through a death I found my life again
And in suffering I found a key that I had thrown away

And now I've started it up
And I filled up my cup
And now I'm lost in your love
And it's more than a memory

And now I've started again
And what I thought was the end
Was another beginning from here to eternity

So here we are
Flesh and bone and spirit lifted up
And that's everything
You've ever needed and it's all you've got
All we've got

Hallelujah

Learning to Trust God is a Process

I am finally having the time I have needed to come face-to-face with some things today. I have known for awhile that I had sorta fallen asleep spiritually. Nothing felt the same, I wasn't talking to God nearly as much as I used to, and I had just shut down. Today, God brought the reason to light. He showed me that what I was doing was having a fear response to what was going on in my life. And instead of dealing with it, I had just retreated. Away from Him, away from worship, away from really talking about what I was feeling. I had started "going through the motions" of life, which is something I never want to do. I was in such a hurry to be sure I "had faith and didn't show the devil one sign of weakness", that I had totally cut myself off from help from the Lord. Christians are so often told not to "speak things into existence", that we don't talk about what is bothering us. We don't tell people how much we are hurting, so that they have an opportunity to pray for us specifically.We have such a phobia of "fear" that we deny that it exists in our lives. In our efforts to appear to be the "perfect Christian" to everyone else, we end up failing God completely. All He wants is us....our faults, our fears, our failures. He didn't call us to be perfect, He just called us to be His. To trust Him with everything that comes our way.

So, today, I am going to lay these fears before God, and allow Him to work in these situations. I am going to go to the One who can help me, the One who already knows everything I am feeling. Maybe I can hide from everyone else, but not from Him. I am going to pour out the pain, fear, and shame....and stop trying to deal with it myself. And then, I am going to leave those things there with Him. I am going to trust Him to take care of me, no matter how bad things might look at times. And I am going to know that even if He doesn't answer my prayers the way I think He should, He has my best interests at heart. He will never let me down, He will never leave me nor forsake me. I have a great reward waiting for me one day, and the best part of that day will be seeing Him. He will be worth it all.

Update

Obviously a lot has been going on, since I have not blogged since August! I am having a VERY busy year at school, we are constantly busy with the church between leading the youth and choir, AND Baby Number 2 is due in April! :) I have been very sick and tired, so blogging has been at the bottom of my priority list.

This past weekend was my birthday, and it was a wonderful weekend. On Friday, my students, school parents, and para blessed me with cupcakes, cookies, snacks, lotions, candles, a blanket, gift cards, etc. I ended up having to go home from school early, because I got very sick. My OB sent me home for the rest of the day after I went in to see him. I slept the rest of the day, and then went out to dinner with my family and Nena. :) My husband had beautiful flowers sent to me at work, too.

Saturday, I got my hair cut and a FREE eyebrow wax. I got to do some shopping, and my mom cleaned my WHOLE house! Then, my sweet hubby cooked dinner, and Mom did my dishes.....that allowed me to get some rest that evening. Church on Sunday was wonderful, then we had lunch with Pastor and Ms. Linda. I received some more gift cards from friends, and a couple of wonderful phone calls from family. It was a very blessed birthday, and I enjoyed it very much.
There is so much more I need to update on, but time won't allow me right now. Be back soon....I hope!

Lazy Blogger

Wow, I have been the laziest blogger! No, actually, I have been the busiest lady. School has begun, and I have a very challenging class. I am coming home completely exhausted, doing what has to be done here at home, and passing out cold early every night. Hannah has been very sick, but she is doing much better now. I am looking forward to dinner with my little fam tonight, then hopefully a VERY uneventful Saturday, and a great day at church on Sunday. I need to rest up for next week, when it all begins again.

God has really been moving in our worship services, and I am amazed at His presence and the way He pours out His spirit each time. But of course-new level, new devil. We have been hit over and over again lately, but are glad to know that we have the victory in Jesus' name! Hope everyone has a great weekend, and hopefully I will be able to post more regularly soon.

Keep My Life

Show me Your way
Whatever it takes to change
I see what's new
Looking at how far I've come
Here is my life
Don't let me forget the way
Here is my life
I can't afford to stay the same

Keep my soul
Keep my spirit
Keep my life
Moving forward

Thank You

Thank You, Lord for today.
Thank You for sparing our pastor.
Thank You for making him well.
Thank You for not letting me be in the service when he collapsed.
Thank You for not letting Hannah see her precious Poppy Green be wheeled out of church on a stretcher.
Thank You for giving us more time with him....to love him, to learn from him.
Thank You for giving us the chance last Sunday to let him know how much we love and appreciate him, and thank You for not letting it be the last chance we get.
Thank You for giving me a chance to tell him that he makes me feel more like his daughter than just another member of his church.
Thank You for giving us a pastor who preaches Your word with no reservations, who teaches us what You want us to learn.
Thank You for Pastor Green's life, it means so much to me.

Let the Waters Rise

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

I Have To Believe

I have to believe


That He sees my darkness

I have to believe

He knows my pain

I have to lift up

My hands to worship

Worship His name

I have to declare

That He is my refuge

I have to deny

That I am alone

I have to lift up

My eyes to the mountain

It's where my help comes from

Oh yeah

He said that He's forever faithful

He said that He's forever true

He said that He can move mountains

If He can move mountains

He can move my mountain

He can move your mountain, too

Oh, I have to stand tall

When the wind blows me over

I have to stand strong

When I'm weak and afraid

I have to grab hold

Ahold of the garments

The garments of praise

I know, I know, I know

Cause He said that He's forever faithful

And He said that He's forever true

He said that He can move mountains

If He can move mountains

He can move my mountain

He can move your mountain, too

I have to sing praise

When the hour is midnight

He unlocks these chains

That bind up my soul

My sin and my shame

He has forgiven and made me whole

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Cause He said that He's forever faithful

And He said that He's forever true

He said that He can move mountains

He said that He can move mountains

He said that He can move mountains

If He can move mountains

He can move my mountain

He can move your mountain, too

I have to believe

I have to believe

He's got everything under control

I have to believe

Lord, I believe

Help my unbelief

I have to believe in You

What A Privilege

Just wanted to say that it is such a privilege to be home with my child for this many weeks in a row! I have worked all school year and all summer every year since she was born until now. I feel like the most blessed woman on the planet to have this time with her. God is so good to me!

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

These last couple of days have been wonderful, after a few really bad days. I had really been struggling since Friday when I received some bad news. It seemed as though the pain of my past was starting all over again. My dreams, my calling, my future....everything was in question. Saturday, I went to prayer meeting at church, and laid on my face crying out for God to help me. I KNEW that the devil should not be taking over my thoughts, my heart, and my emotions...but he was doing it. It was also bringing up pain that I had not dealt with when I lost my dear friends Steve and Margaret this year. I mourned for the first few days after I got that call, but then shoved it down. This recent heartbreak just brought all of that unresolved grief back to the surface. So, I sat on the floor at the church and cried like it was the first day they left us. I didn't even have the words to say to the Lord. There was a song playing though, and it said "I long to bring a smile to Your face". I said to God, "You know that's all I want to do." He whispered back, "Who says you're not?". Somehow, this news had brought with it a sense that I had failed...myself, my family, God. He was just letting me know that was not the case. After that, we had a wonderful banner practice, and decided we were ready to minister the next day.

When I returned home, I had a rough day. I couldn't get motivated to do anything, and tried to take a nap. Nap didn't happen, so I laid on the couch and watched a movie, and finally snapped out of it when Daniel insisted I go to the store with him. Then, we had dinner with his parents, and went for a drive afterward. Sunday though, was my true turning point. The Spirit of the Lord was with us from banner practice to choir practice, and through the entire service. Had I not been leading one particular song, I would have been on my knees on that stage. God was doing a work, and not just in me. The message was a difficult one about how sometimes things that happen to us are punishments that are set in motion by our disobedience, but that sometimes, bad things happen to make us (and our character) stronger. To show us (and the devil) where we really are in our relationships with God. I went down to the altar, and began praying about what I was going through. Pastor came and prayed for me, and prayed the EXACT thing I had just asked the Lord for. He asked that the joy of the Lord would overtake me. God has been doing just that ever since.

God gave me countless opportunities to talk with people I love and trust, to be encouraged by them. We had lunch with my mom and stepdad. We had dinner with our church family at a fundraiser that night. We had a wonderful 4th of July yesterday as a family. I began reflecting on everything I do have, instead of the things I won't have just yet because of what happened. I read a wonderful book today, "Heaven is for Real". It's about a little boy who nearly died when he was four years old, had an out of body experience, and went to Heaven. His accounts of Heaven will blow you away....awesome. That reminded me of my ultimate future, and of all I have to look forward to. Hannah had some potty training success, and we had some wonderful mother/daughter time today. She is just the most precious little person the Lord ever created. As her mother, I am slightly biased, I'm sure. I was walking through my house tonight, and just hearing the Lord speak to me about my blessings, and about being content where I am in life right now, and knowing that He has a plan for me. I thank God for taking back control of my mind and my heart, and silencing the voice of the enemy. God is in control of my life, and His voice of truth is the only one I will listen to and believe in.

Thankful

I am just SO thankful. God knew I needed to see something I have placed my hand to succeed right about now. So, He helped me to persevere today, and continue patiently teaching my child about using the potty. Then tonight, SHE DID IT! She got off the potty about seventy times to "go see Daddy", she walked around doing the "chicken dance", but kept coming back. I sat and read her a book, and she FINALLY peed in the potty. She has used the potty with my mom, and with my friend Diana...but not with me. I am SO proud of my little sweetie. I think she and I both needed that success, now we can keep working consistently on this. And, I can stop feeling like I must be "doing it wrong". I know it seems crazy, but at one point a few weeks ago, I was distraught over this. I just felt like she was never going to learn because I didn't know what to do. As a mother, I was at a loss, and it was SO upsetting to me. Thank You, Lord. This means so much.

Thought for the Day

Why are you afraid of what will come of your life? God knew who He was creating, and He designed you for a specific work. God will ensure your success in accordance with His plan, not yours. Francis Chan

I am in potty training land once again, so not much time to expound on this thought. But, I think it speaks for itself. It sure spoke to me. :)

I Will Not Be Moved

I have been the wayward child


I have acted out

I have questioned Sovereignty

And had my share of doubt

And though sometimes my prayers feel like

They're bouncing off the sky

The hand I hold won't let me go

And is the reason why...

I will stumble

I will fall down

But I will not be moved

I will make mistakes

I will face heartache

But I will not be moved

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart

Many times before

My life has been like broken glass

And I have kept the score

Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed

That I was far too gone

My brokenness helped me to see

It's grace I'm standing on


And the chaos in my life

Has been a badge I've worn

Though I have been torn

I will not be moved

Until You Move Me, I'll Be Still

Take my heart
Lord will you take my heart
As I surrender to Your will
I confess You are my righteousness
And until You move me I'll be still
And know that You are God.
You hold my world in Your hands
You hold my world in Your hands and
I am amazed at Your love
I am amazed that You love me
You hold my world in Your hands
You hold my world in Your hands and
I'm not afraid my world is safe
In Your Hands
Take my life
Lord will You take my life
You are the reason that I live
I believe You have forgiven me
And by Your grace I will forgive
And know that You are God
And know that You are God
You won't let go of me
You won't let go of me
You won't let go of me
You won't let go Never let go
You will take care of me
You will take care of me
You will take care of me
***Ever felt like you saw your valley coming to an end, only to find out that you're still in the middle of it? Yeah, that's me. But on one hand, as I reflect on God and what He's brought me through, and where He's brought me to-I am glad I am still in the struggle. I have come to know Him in such a life-changing way, that I don't want to go back to Easy Street. If I did, I might not feel this connection to Him that I have now, that is stronger than anything the devil could do to me. The thing that gives me joy and peace, when the world says I have no reason to feel any of that. In my weakness, He is made strong. When I am broken, He moves closer to me. When I am down, I can feel His very breath on my skin, hear Him whisper to my heart. He is there to comfort me, and His sheer presence takes my breath away. I feel no sorrow, no pain, no fear in His presence. And I can't get enough of that God-breathing, soul-stirring, life-changing glory of God. I want to be drenched in His presence. So, in this difficult time, I will be still and know that He is God.

No Matter What

One of my favorite songs has a line that says "no matter what I still love You, and I'm gonna need You". I used to tell God that I needed Him. I need You to...x,y, and z. I need You for this hour, because I am going through something. But, as I prayed the other day, I realized one of the reasons that God allowed the season in my life that I have been through the last two years. I prayed to Him, and I didn't say I need You to do this and do that. I said, "I need You. That's it, I just need You." Sure there are things I need God to do, but more than anything I just need Him in my life. His breath, His presence, His love. If I don't have that, I really don't have anything. I have finally realized that He is truly ALL that I need. I am finally in a place where the only thing I am desperate for is His presence in my life. I know that no matter what comes, if I have God, I will be just fine. I trust and know that He is working in my life no matter what the circumstances might be. That's a giant leap for me, folks! Trust is a major issue in my life, just ask my poor hubby.

There are some things that I am waiting on, and people ask me how I am going to feel if those things don't happen. I am finally in a place in my life where I can say that if God doesn't give me what I am asking for, He has something better planned for me. It might not even be better according to my view of things, but it will be better according to His will for my life, and what He has purposed for me to do. My view of life is small, and many times it is very much about what I want. His view encompasses my whole life, and His will for me, and includes how I can help others. That is what my heart is seeking above my dreams, desires, comfort, and wants. When I take my last breath, I want to know that I made a difference in this world for His name and for His glory. That is how I am measuring success in my life, because I know that is what He saved me for.

Reminder

Just wanted to document this morning so I can cut myself some slack when I wanna go to bed at 7 pm sometimes....lol. I got up this morning at 7:30, and couldn't fall back asleep. So, I got up and ate breakfast, then....

went and got Hannah from her bed
changed diaper
made her milk cup
stripped beds and washed sheets
ironed church clothes for me, picked out clothes for Hannah
took out meat for dinner
helped hubby pack lunch for work
sent e-mail to my boss, received reply
texted Mom
made Hannah's breakfast
uploaded lake pix
wrote and mailed thank you note
worked on grocery list for tomorrow

ALL of this before 9 o'clock! 

Home

I am home. I am refreshed, yet exhausted....so funny. There are so many moments I would love to share (and pictures, too). But for now, I am just going to soak in the bliss of being once again grateful for my home....really, really grateful for what I have. And grateful for a vacation filled with laughter, tears, family, fun, and a little stretching. God, You overwhelm me.

Post Edit

Had to add "take Hannah to pediatrician" to my list. Luckily, she's fine! :) This crazy smoke is getting to her just like it is everyone else. Everything else is done! Ready to head out of town NOW. Can't stand the waiting anymore...lol. After this first month of summer that has been filled with hospital time and LOTS of being concerned about my friends who are going through a lot of "stuff", I am ready to feel the wind in my hair as the boat glides across the water. Ready for the warm sunshine and the cool lake water. Ready for laughter and doing little more than breathing in the fresh air and enjoying my family. In a little over 12 hours, we will be getting on the road. Ahhhh, vacation! :)

Today's To Do List

Checked off list...

breakfast
tea
phone calls
emails
banner team practice schedule
banner team CDs
children's drama (1/2 done anyway)
laundry

Still to do....

finish packing
make lunch/clean up lunch
install portable DVD player in car
straighten house
pay bills
buy milk
Get on the road tomorrow, get to PTC, and FINALLY relax! :)

Wondering

This morning, I am wondering.

Wondering just how much rain it's gonna take to get rid of this awful smoke.

Wondering why I couldn't sleep last night.

Wondering my child asks for breakfast every morning, then proceeds to stare at it rather than eat it.

Wondering what we are going to get into today, Daddy gets to plan the whole day. :)

Wondering when I am gonna get that phone call I am waiting on.

Wondering why my stuff cannot just jump into my suitcase so we will be ready for vacation.

Wondering what God's gonna do in the service tomorrow.

Wondering how my Granny is doing today....she went home yesterday!

Wondering why I am on Blogspot instead of washing the mound of dishes in my sink.

Happy Saturday, all!

Focusing on My Blessings Today

I have SO much to look forward to....

banner practice tonight

Granny successfully getting through her surgery tomorrow

church Wednesday

family time this week with my sister and her kids

dinner with the Richardsons on Thursday

payday on Friday :)

Father's Day weekend with my two favorite people

lake trip in two weeks with my dad, stepmom, sisters, brother, and Hannah

July 4th with my family, church/banner team ministering on the 3rd

growth and prosperity in my career

POST EDIT....forgot two more things.....getting to know my sweet niece Maggie, which means spending time with my bro and sis-in-law, and looking forward to getting Hanny potty trained! :)

God is so good! When we are faithful to Him, He will ALWAYS be faithful to us. In good times and in bad, Lord....I have learned to praise You and trust You through it all. Thank You for teaching me that, even when it was painful and I just wanted to give up.

Be Content

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I understand the feeling, the need and want for more. But as Christians, we have to fight against it. We have to value these Scriptures above anything else, even the feelings of our own heart. I do not have everything I want, or sometimes even everything it seems I need. But, God is teaching me to be content with where I am right now. I think sometimes we make ourselves feel that "it's okay" to want a better life, and people tell us that same thing. But have you asked yourself how many people would do anything to have what you have? We so cavalierly say that we need a better house, better clothes, a better car, a better situation at work or church or in our family. Do we understand how rich we are as Americans? Do we understand how rich we are as Christians? 

I put the beginning of this blog into draft, and didn't finish it. That was Monday. Tuesday (yesterday), I got a call that could change nearly EVERYTHING for our family...in a really positive way. God is amazing. I just want to encourage the couple of people who read my blog....God will give you beauty for your ashes. It will come to pass. Don't let the enemy, your own feelings, or anyone else tell you differently.

Through the Fire

Today I am reflecting back on where God has brought me from. Summer tends to make teachers sentimental and nostalgic. It’s a time to reflect on the year that has passed, and look forward to the time ahead. I have always lived my life according to school years and summers. My internal clock has always worked that way, I think it’s because I was born to be an educator. I realize that now, more than I ever have.


I also realize more than ever that God has a greater purpose for my life than even my dream and calling to educate the precious ones He places in my care each school year. I am thinking back to where I came from, and realizing He’s taking me somewhere. I think back to when I lost my job with Glynn County. I thought I would die-the pain, fear, and disappointment were almost too much to bear. The devil did a lot of whispering during that time. Sometimes I listened, most times I didn’t. I realize now that he really thought he had me. The devil really believed I was going to turn away from God because of the loss of my dream. But, I didn’t. So, since that didn’t work, he put me in the hospital that summer with a blood clot. I am sure he was wringing his gnarly little hands and giggling as I lay there too scared to breathe. All I wanted was for someone to pray for me and say, this will not be the end of you. I finally understood what people meant when they say there are times when you can’t pray for yourself. My enemy worked feverishly to turn my mind and heart away from God, my parents, my husband, EVERYONE. But, he didn’t.

I think about Scott passing away, and what a number that did on my faith. Then, the repossession of my car (even though that was resolved for a time, I ended up giving the car back anyway) and eventually our family filing for bankruptcy. The devil waged all- out war on us, and part of me believed he had won. But, by the grace of God, we didn’t break. God kept us, comforted us, blessed us even in the storm.

Again, when Steve and Margaret were killed last month, my faith began to wane. I couldn’t understand WHY we continued to lose so much! Why didn’t God help them, why didn’t He save them? In all of the pain, I grew closer to God. I began loving Him in a way that I never have. Not for what He’s done or is going to do, but because He is good and gracious and loving. He’s loves us and has a plan for us, even when circumstances seem to prove otherwise.

I know that there will be many more trials and valleys to come, but God is teaching me how to lean on Him. He is showing me that I will not always understand or be able to fix things like I want to do. He is teaching me to believe in what I cannot see, and trust in Him no matter what fiery darts the enemy throws. In the fire, my weakness is made strong. In the trials, I truly get to see who God is. And the more I see of Him, the more I want to learn and the closer I want to get.

Stronger

I have been in a strange place lately. My mom and I were talking last night, and I told her I am in a place where I want to have faith for things, but my hurt is building walls. Maybe it's because I have had eight deaths related to our church or our family in the past three months. Maybe it's because I am having dreams of chasing Steve and Margaret's car trying to get to them, and I can't. Maybe it's because I still think about Scott every day, and miss his wisdom and strength so much. Maybe it's because my career and Daniel's seem to be standing still. Or because our plans for having more children, moving to a bigger house, etc....seem to be standing still. I know that when these times come, it means that breakthrough will follow them soon. But tell that to my wounded heart. It seems like our family has been constantly bombarded with pain and struggle for TWO years! Enough!

So, it came to me last night that I am having a "crisis of faith". I am at a place where I need to decide if I am going to move forward, or lay down in the pain and spiritually die. As I was thinking of this last night, this song came on the radio. And I knew what I had to do.

Hey, heard you were up all night


Thinking about how your world ain't right

And you wonder if things will ever get better

And you're asking why is it always raining on you

When all you want is just a little good news

Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather



Oh, don't hang your head

It's gonna end

God's right there

Even if it's hard to see Him

I promise you that He still cares



When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger

The pain ain't gonna last forever

And things can only get better

Believe me

This is gonna make you stronger

Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger

Believe me, this is gonna make you ...



Try and do the best you can

Hold on and let Him hold your hand

And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus

Oh, lift your head it's gonna end

God's right there

Even when you just can't feel Him

I promise you that He still cares



'Cause if He started this work in your life

He will be faithful to complete it

If only you believe it

He knows how much it hurts

And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

Blessings In Disguise

Boy, I am NOT much of a blogger these days. Maybe because I have a full time job, a two year old, a home to care for, two ministries to run, and I have to sleep at some point! LOL Blogging used to be like therapy for me, though...so I need to get back on it. I am on Spring Break, so I have some free time. Hannah and I went to the beach with Maria today, and she is such a great lady. We have so much fun talking, and I learn so much from talking with her. It's so great to have wonderful Christian ladies in your life that you can fellowship with. I have to get off the computer and cook dinner before banner practice tonight, but I wanted to share this AMAZING song that I just love right now. The words really minister to me, and remind me that although I don't know what God is doing sometimes, He is still in control.

We pray for blessings


We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things


‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise


We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe


‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise


When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home,

It's not our home


‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise

This song is blowing my mind.

7 times 70 times

I’ll do what it takes to make it right

I thought the pain was here to stay

But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times

There’s healing in the air tonight

I’m reaching up to pull it down

Gonna wrap it all around



I remember running down the hallway

Playing hide-and-seek

I didn’t know that I was searching

For someone to notice me

I felt alone and undiscovered

And old enough to understand

Just when I’m s’posed to be learning to love you

Let me down again

7 times 70 times

I’ll do what it takes to make it right

I thought the pain was here to stay

But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times

There’s healing in the air tonight

I’m reaching up to pull it down

Gonna wrap it all around


I lost count of the ways you let me down

But no matter how many times you weren’t around

I’m all right now


God picked up my heart and helped me through

And shined a light on the one thing left to do

And that’s forgive you

I forgive you


7 times 70 times

If that’s the cost I’ll pay the price

7 times 70 times

I’ll do what it takes to make it right

I thought the pain was here to stay

But forgiveness made a way


7 times 70 times

There’s healing in this house tonight

I’m reaching up to pull it down

Gonna wrap it all around

***Ever hear a song and go "wow, that's me!". I had one of those moments this week as I listened to this Chris August song. I thought saying "I forgive you", would make all of the pain go away and make everything perfect. But, that's not where the true lesson is. The true lesson God wants to teach in forgiveness is when we have to forgive over and over again. He wants us to realize that forgiving, loving-is a choice. And it may take 7 times 70 times, but love the person enough to do it anyway. Even when it feels easier to give up-forgive again...love again. Forgiveness is an amazing thing in the way that it frees you, but still holds you accountable. It's also amazing to think about the fact that God forgives us that same way. How many times have you let Him down in your life? How many times did you let Him down today? But He forgives, and He loves us. I love when God speaks to me through other Christians and blows my mind. He's good, people. God is good. :)

Worthy is the Lamb Who was Slain

You learn a lot about yourself and your faith when you don't go to church for almost a month. You learn how much you need the love and encouragement of your brothers and sisters in Christ. But, you also learn who God is in your life. You realize that you don't need three songs and a sermon to get you into the throne room of God. That you can cry out to Him in your child's hospital room when you feel so, so alone and realize that you're not alone at all. And you never will be. Once you chose Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour, you gained a friend for life.

You also realize how many people love and support you. To those who came, called, brought gifts for Hannah, Facebooked, or texted....thank you. And to the two precious women of God who called and prayed with me on the phone...God bless you. No words will EVER explain what that did for me. Our faith in God's healing power, and His ability to do that work, brought my daughter home. I am so grateful.

I am so ready to see more of what God can do. Even though this is a HUGE miracle in my life, to see Him quickly and mercifully heal my daughter-I know He can do so much more. His strength and glory and power in my life just barely scratch the surface of what He is capable of. So, I wonder....is that His fault or mine? Have I allowed God to be all-sufficient, all-powerful, all-encompassing in my life? The answer is yes and no. Sometimes I let God "do His thing", move and work on my behalf, and blow my mind. Other times I want to control it, I want to see the finished product before the work is done, I want to understand everything. Why? How? When? Where? What? I bombard God with these questions. Pastor preached a message about a month ago that really resonated with me, and it's still coming to mind in the midst of the battle now. He said, don't allow the enemy to bombard your mind with these questions, and when he tries, simply say this-"What's gonna happen? God's gonna take care of me, that's what!". My Facebook status this week said it best-All may not be perfect, but all is SO well! God has every last tiny detail of my life planned out. He knows when, where, why, how, and what. He only expects me to trust Him, and lean on Him when the battle seems too tough. He is worthy, and He always will be. No matter what my eyes may see, or my ears may hear. It doesn't matter that my heart trembles in fear at the uncertainty of such a time, as long as I go to Him to calm my fears and strengthen my faith.